The Food Wars
by Balin Lord of Moria
Summary: McDonald's has come to the galaxy far away, and numerous people from all walks of life spoil themselves on its food. Then, some of its rivals, Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut, Subway, several others, and Monolith Burger from Space Quest, spring up beside it, and the infamous "Food Wars" begin.
1. Two Padawan Pals at McDonald's

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing here except this fanfic itself.

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McDonald's was a new sight in the galaxy far, far away. And on this particular day, two Jedi Padawans and three clone commanders were checking out the one in Galactic City on Coruscant. They had just arrived there and were trying out their respective meals.

* * *

**Ahsoka and Barriss**

"Mm, this is great," said Ahsoka Tano, "I never knew that a Quarter Pounder with Cheese could be so tasty. And these potatoes they call French Fries are the best. I could eat these without end if the Jedi Masters would allow it!"

"I think next time, I'll get something smaller," said Barriss Offee, "like the Chicken McNuggets or the Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. This Big Mac is bigger than I expected!"

"You're one to talk!" exclaimed Ahsoka. "You took out the slice of bread between the two patties! Why did you get it in the first place?"

"Because it has lettuce in addition to meat," Barriss replied. "I wanted to have something delicious and nutritious at the same time. I don't want to have any stomach problems after we're done. Frankly, I'm afraid you could get some, what with all those fries you're scarfing down. At least your Master shows you more mercy when you make mistakes than mine does!"

"That's certainly true," Ahsoka said, "You haven't even touched any of the fries; do you expect me to eat them all? I mean, I did order the large fries for a reason!"

"Stop worrying about it, Ahsoka!" insisted Barriss. "Just cut back a little, it can't hurt to stop eating them when you can't stomach any more. Let's just enjoy the meal. This place really is very good; I'd like to come back here with you if I can."

"Me too, Barriss," said Ahsoka. "Me too." And when they finished their burgers and fries, they enjoyed a good dessert of two McFlurries, OREO for Ahsoka and Reese's Pieces for Barriss.

About three hours later…

Barriss was in her private chambers in the Jedi Temple with a hurting stomach. Ahsoka and Luminara were with her. The med droid said Barriss would recover quickly, but that she shouldn't risk eating any more fast food in her life.

"Barriss," said Luminara sternly, "What have I told you about sneaking off to do un-Jedi like things, even with a best friend?"

Barriss groaned. "That I should not do it, Master," she said submissively.

"That's right," Luminara said, "and because you did, you are grounded from off-duty frivolities for a month, and you can never go to that McDonald's restaurant again."

"Yes, Master," Barriss said gloomily. Luminara nodded and left.

Ahsoka looked at Barriss. "Now who's got the problems with her stomach? Is it me, or is it you?" she remarked good-naturedly.

"Me," Barriss said, sitting up in bed. "Now, we can't see each other for a long time except when assigned to the same missions, and we can't eat there together again."

"Well, look at it this way, Barriss. At least you don't have to worry about stomach troubles any more, until the next time we sneak out!" Ahsoka joked conspiratorially.

"What?" said Barriss, "You mean, do it again? But how?"

"Luminara Unduli way be very perceptive, but she can't track you everywhere you go. Maybe after you become a knight and leave Luminara's side, we can go back there."

"Really?"

"Really. Trust me on this, Barriss, it'll work sooner or later."

"Thanks, Ahsoka," Barriss said. "Though I think next time, I should try something with less grease and more nutrition, like one of the chicken sandwiches or a salad or something. Maybe I could get the McChicken or the McNuggets I mentioned earlier."

"And I'll have all the fries again," said Ahsoka. "Maybe I'll even order a large fries next time."

"Now, Ahsoka," Barriss mock admonished her, "don't you get sick on me, too, or we'll really be in trouble."

"I can't get sick off that food, Barriss," Ahsoka claimed. "Haven't I ever told you about Togrutas? Togrutas digest better than Mirialans! Didn't you know that?"

"I suppose I should have guessed it," said Barriss, "After all, haven't I told you anything about Mirialans? Mirialans are delicate!"

They both laughed. Barriss' stomach growled and she groaned again.


	2. Clone Captain & Commanders at McDonald's

**Rex, Cody, and Gree**

"I think that they should serve this sort of food in the mess hall instead of that slop they always give you there," said Commander Cody, chewing on his Double Cheeseburger happily.

"I agree," said Commander Gree, "I think that whatever culture originally created this kind of food and this restaurant chain must have been way ahead of their time. This Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese is delicious. I never knew 'fast food' could taste so good! Cody's right; unhealthy or no, this food would lift the spirits of the troops better than the food we usually eat."

"Yeah, this is _food_," said Captain Rex, chowing down on a McRib sandwich. He didn't say so to Cody or Gree, but this reminded him a little of his dinner with Cut Lawquane and his family, where they ate roast nuna. He gestured to their two side dishes, a large helping of McDonald's World Famous Fries (or Galactic Favorite Fries), and a medium-sized helping of apple slices. He and Gree were eating the fries while Cody had the apples. "These are things like mothers of ordinary people used to make, as I think the saying goes. After you try them, you can't live without them!"

"Yes," said Cody reasonably, "But don't you think that will never actually happen? The Republic doesn't give us a lot of freedoms outside our career to fight for the Republic, and as much as I respect the Chancellor and other Republic government and military officials, I don't think they can be convinced to give us better food than we are already given."

"Oh, I don't know, Cody," said Rex carefully. "Although we can't just leave the army without the permission of our superior officers, we can still request some rest and relaxation sometimes, perhaps. I've heard rumors about clones deserting the Grand Army, and going off to live free lives as farmers, miners, mercenaries and bounty hunters, and a variety of other things, too. Have you ever thought that, maybe, someday, we could be free men? Then we could come to McDonald's and other good restaurants all we wanted to."

"Leave the army?" said Cody in surprise. "But why would we want to leave the army? What could be better than what we have here?"

"Well, to start with, more Double Quarter Pounders and World Famous Fries," joked Gree half-seriously.

"Yeah," said Cody, "but we can get that every once in a while right now. I mean, the Grand Army, the 'army of one man,' is a truly incredible fighting force, and I want to be a part of it as long as possible. Deserting it would mean betraying my principles."

"But what if someone else wants to leave?" asked Gree. "I don't dream of betraying the Republic or my principles, either, but neither do I intend to be a soldier forever. I've always been interested in sentientology, as you well know, and I thought I might become a sentientologist or an anthropologist after the war is over. And ever since seeing this joint and eating its food, I'll bet I could make a good start on making money by flipping these burgers and frying their fries. If some Jedi and the citizens of CoCo Town District can grow up on Dexter Jettster's food, then I could 'grow up' on this food, that is, as long as I eat it in moderation so I never get too fat or get heart disease."

"He's right, you know," said Rex, who was close to finishing his McRib, "Our duty shouldn't completely get in the way of our private and social lives, no matter what the Chancellor or the Senate say. You should try it sometime, Cody; I think you'd appreciate it."

"Well, I don't know," said Cody, chewing on an apple slice, "I suppose I could at least try to get some more time off. It may be worth it. I mean, I can't spend all my waking hours associating with General Kenobi and General Skywalker in battle."

"Sounds good to us," Rex and Gree agreed. "Now, what are we each going to get for dessert?" asked Rex. "I hear their desserts are as good as their main courses and sides."

"I'm having a vanilla cone," said Cody.

"I'll have some of their chocolate chip cookies," Gree decided.

"Then I'll get a McFlurry with M&M's," said Rex.

"Good choices," they all complimented each other, and they settled in to finish their burgers and McRib.


	3. Two Masters and Chosen One at McDonald's

**Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Yoda**

"Do you think this place will ever overshoot the popularity of Dex's Diner, Master?" Anakin Skywalker asked his friend and former Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, as they approached the front of the line at McDonald's.

"I certainly hope not, Anakin," said Obi-Wan dryly, "because I want to have Dex for a friend for as long as possible. Still, this 'McDonald's' as they call it might have some interesting food. Ahsoka and Commander Cody highly complimented their menu after their respective visits, so I know some people like it."

Just then, they heard somebody from the direction of the floor gently but irresistibly pushing his way through the line in their direction.

"Uh, I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your-" Obi-Wan started to say, hearing the protests of the other customers, but then he stopped when he found out who it was. "Oh, hello, Master Yoda. We're glad you finally caught up with us."

"Yeah," said Anakin, "We thought we lost you back there."

"Worry not, young Skywalker and Master Kenobi," the little green Jedi Master greeted them. "Get himself lost, Yoda never does. Know Coruscant like the backs of my hands, I do."

"Well, that's good to hear," Obi-Wan said. "Now, have you two decided what you would like to try out?"

"Do, or do not, Obi-Wan," Yoda gently admonished him, "There is no try."

"Oh, yes, I'm sorry, Master," Obi-Wan said, "What would you two like to _eat and drink_ here today?"

Anakin looked at the menu. "I'd like to have the Filet-O-Fish, medium fries, and a large cup of Diet Coke. Yeah, that's it."

Yoda gazed up at the menu next. "Have an Angus Bacon and Cheese Snack Wrap and a McCafé Wild Berry Real Fruit Smoothie, I will."

Anakin had to stifle a chuckle. Even he had become familiar with the Grand Jedi Master's odd tastes in food. Yoda certainly enjoyed eating things and combinations of things many others wouldn't even dream of.

"Thank you both," Obi-Wan replied, "I think I am going to have a Southern Style Crispy Chicken Sandwich, a small fries, and an iced tea. I've always enjoyed hot, steamy tea, and I'd like to know how it tastes at the polar opposite temperature."

When their turn finally came, Obi-Wan ordered their food, and when it came, he and Anakin carefully balanced the trays on their hands before grabbing a few straws and napkins. Then they sat down at the nearest table. For some reason, Yoda didn't feel altogether comfortable in a booth.

"Mm," said Yoda, sniffing his Angus snack wrap, "Interesting food, this must be."

"Well, let's taste it and find out," suggested Anakin politely.

They began biting and chewing on their food and drinking their beverages. Obi-Wan was the first to notice that there was some grease in his food, but he couldn't deny that it certainly was tasty. And the fries hit the spot, too. "I wonder where they were referring to when they named this a Southern Style Chicken Sandwich?" he remarked.

"Probably the southern section of their country or planet, Obi-Wan," Anakin remarked back dryly.

"Hmm, good point, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, looking slightly self-conscious.

Obi-Wan tasted his iced tea next. The coldness of the drink surprised him at first, but he was even more surprised to find out that it was just as good iced as it was steaming. "Hmm," he said, "I thought this would be worse than Dex's Dractuvian cave slug dinners at Dex's Diner, but for food dubbed as mostly unhealthy, it's actually a lot better. Then again, what am I saying? Almost _any_ food is better than Dractuvian cave slugs!"

"Uh, Obi-Wan," said Anakin sheepishly, "do you mind? I'd rather not hear about slugs while eating. They're disgusting, and they also remind me of the Hutts."

"Sorry, Anakin," Obi-Wan apologized. "How about your Filet-O-Fish? Is it as good as you thought?"

"Um, I think so," Anakin said uncertainly, "It tastes great, and I like its sauce, too, but it also feels a little synthetic in my mouth. I can see what they mean when they suggest not eating this food; it's just plain _strange_."

"And how about the fries?" asked Obi-Wan, "I think they taste delicious, but it seems they over-salted it a little. I don't think that's good, do you?"

"No, not altogether good, Master," said Anakin, "but I agree that they taste good."

"I imagine Master Yoda must really be above this food," said Obi-Wan, "After all, Master Windu frowns on this kind of food almost as much as Master Luminara does. I think Yoda would naturally dislike it, too."

"He, he, he, he, he," they heard Yoda laugh. They looked at the diminutive alien and saw that he was having the time of his life eating his snack wrap and drinking his smoothie. They also noticed that he frequently swiped some of Anakin's fries, as if he had heard them talking and presumed that Anakin wouldn't want any more.

"Good food, hmm? Good, hmm?" he said to them with his mouth full of fries.

Anakin raised an eyebrow. "You were saying, Master Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan shuffled in his seat. "Well, we all have to be wrong about something sometime, don't we?"

They laughed quietly and resumed their meal, doing their best to ignore Yoda's happy chortling.


	4. Duchess and her Council at McDonald's

**Duchess Satine and the Council of Neutral Systems**

"From what I hear, this food is delicious to its tasty core," said Senator Orn Free Taa eagerly, as he and his companions, Senator Kin Robb, Senator Onaconda Farr, and Senator Tal Merrik took a seat at one of the larger tables in the local McDonald's restaurant.

"It is nice to have something that's guaranteed to be fresh and tasty _and _fast," commented Ono, Senator Farr's nickname.

"All the same," said Kin, "I'm going to have to watch what I eat; you know I always like to keep a trim figure, that's why I'm having something small."

"I noticed," remarked Merrik, "You got the standard Hamburger, a side salad, and Premium Roast Coffee. I have no doubt you'll stay thin with that kind of food."

"Look who's talking," Kin shot back, "You're eating a Premium Caesar Salad with Crispy Chicken, no side dish at all, and a cup of orange juice."

"That's because I am a vegetarian, Senator Robb," Merrik said proudly, "Remember? I don't like conflict of any kind, and that means I can't even bear to see animals hunted for food, let alone sport."

"I have no doubt that we'll all be satisfied with what we got for ourselves," said a voice next to them. Duchess Satine Kryze sat down at the table with her own tray of lunch. She had ordered some Chicken McNuggets, small fries, and a McCafé Mocha to drink. Some of her companions wondered how a pacifist like her could want to eat any meat, or salted chips that were meant to go with meat. Kin Robb asked Satine about that.

"Just because I'm a pacifist, doesn't mean I'm unwilling to eat meat sometimes," replied Satine, "I'm not like Tal Merrik, who seems almost like a zealot when it comes to peace, though I mean no offense, Senator Merrik; even if this food isn't altogether healthy, I don't mind eating some of it from time to time. I really do like the McNuggets, the Mocha is good, too, and even the fries are tasty, if a little over-salted, maybe."

"Well, these Fish McBites are surely the best rapidly-prepared seafood I have had in ages, or so it seems, at least," said Ono, as he daintily ate the little fish meat, which was slightly tricky to do what with his round, fish-like mouth.

Senator Taa was clearly enjoying his food the most; being the corpulent Twi'lek man he was, he was stuffing his face with two helpings of a meal rather than one like everybody else. He had ordered two Daily Doubles, Premium Chicken Breast Strips, a large fries, and a refillable Coca-Cola for a beverage. Some of the other customers turned and shuddered with disgust as he chowed down noisily, and a little messily, on his Daily Doubles.

"Uh, Senator Taa," said Kin, who looked like she was turning a little green, "could you please eat a little quieter and neater? People are starting to stare, and I think I might be losing my appetite."

"Oh, sorry, senators," he said, wiping his mouth with his third napkin. Satine had advised him to get plenty of them for himself. "I forgot we are eating in public."

Satine stared at him. "You mean that in private, your manners are a lot less desirable than this?" she asked, a little more bluntly than she intended to.

"Not necessarily," said Taa after swallowing a bite, "I just like to have fun eating whenever I can, and I often do that when I eat in private. It's a Twi'lek's thing, you could say."

Satine continued to stare for a second. "Well, all I can say to that is, I'm glad Senator Robb noticed your bad manners before I did, or I would have lost my appetite even quicker than she is."

"But I was right about one thing, though," said Taa, "This is delicious. The Daily Doubles are a very adventurous meal for me, and I could eat these fries all day. Maybe next time I'll have a Big Mac or two. That should hit the spot."

They continued to eat their meal, mostly in silence. Occasionally, someone would comment on the quality of the burgers, the fries, or Merrik's salad, but not much else. When they finally finished, Satine offered to treat them all to a McDonald's dessert. They accepted.

Satine ordered for herself a vanilla cone. Kin had a strawberry sundae. Merrik had a baked apple pie. Ono tried eating some soft baked chocolate chip cookies, and Taa had a big McFlurry with M&M's.

"These cones are the best part of this meal, I think," remarked Satine as she nibbled her vanilla ice cream. "The vanilla tastes surprisingly real; I hope it _is_ real."

"I'm not sure if I'll be coming back here often," said Ono, "I find this food a little awkward to eat for my mouth, even these cookies, even though they _do_ taste good."

"Well, this apple pie is certainly better than any dessert I ever had on Kalevala," said Merrik, "Maybe I should try to convince the people there to start serving food like this."

"I wish," said Kin, "This sundae is adequate for me, too. I almost ordered the Fruit N' Yogurt Parfait, but then I decided I don't have to try _that_ hard to keep trim and fit."

"I couldn't agree more, senator," said Taa, who was eating his McFlurry as if it were a whole quart of ice cream. "Ooh, I'm going to need another one of these soon. Can I get another one, Duchess Satine?"

Kin Robb rolled her eyes in exasperation. Satine and the others merely chuckled. "I'll see what I can do, senator," she said. Kin moaned.


	5. Four Republic Senators at McBreakfast

**Padmé, Bail, Mon Mothma, and Riyo Chuchi**

"Do you know anything about the kind of breakfast they serve in this place?" Riyo Chuchi asked her senator friends as they stood in line to try out a McDonald's breakfast.

"I hear that the food is at least semi-healthy, and that it tastes fine," said Mon Mothma, "but the coffee is less than adequate. And that is a shame, because I really need some caffeine this morning."

"Then try something else that's rousing, Mon," suggested Padmé Amidala, the secret wife of Anakin Skywalker, "like the McCafé Hot Chocolate, maybe? That's what I'm going to drink."

"Thank you, Padmé," said Mothma, "but chocolate is not good for me, don't you remember? Coffee, at least, is not fattening, and I can tolerate a little bit of bad flavor."

"I can't," said Bail Organa, "But at least they have some iced coffee, too. Cold drinks wake me up, not warm ones."

At the counter, Mothma ordered fruit and maple oatmeal and Premium Roast Coffee, Chuchi ordered a Sausage McMuffin with Egg and orange juice, Bail got a cinnamon melts and Premium Roast Iced Coffee, and Padmé ordered hotcakes and hash browns and a McCafé Hot Chocolate. Then they sat in a booth near the front of the restaurant.

Chuchi was the first to take a bite of her food. "Hmm," she said thoughtfully, "This is… interesting. I didn't know they could make food like this. A sausage and an egg put together is like a nerfburger with Byss cheese. Of course, if I want that, I can just go to Dex's Diner in CoCo Town and get it fresh."

"Dexter is a good man," said Bail, "He provides food that's fresh and full. These cinnamon melts are good, but they taste like they've been sitting around on a shelf for a while. Dex always makes sure that his breakfasts are prepared _when_ they're ordered, not before. What do you think, Padmé? Is this food up to your standards?"

Padmé was grimacing a little as she swallowed a bite of her hotcakes. "I'm not sure. The syrup and the butter are tasty, but they seem to be factory-made. And these hotcakes seem to stick in my throat."

"I couldn't agree less," said a frowning Mothma, "What were they thinking when they made the breakfasts in this 'restaurant?' I knew the coffee would not be very good, but this oatmeal is almost foul to the taste."

"I have an idea," said Padmé suddenly, "I have some extra money today, and CoCo Town District is not far from here. Why don't we dump what's left of this 'food' and try out a fresh meal at Dex's Diner? I'll treat."

"Are you sure, Padmé?" asked Mothma, "We do not want to inconvenience you or anything. You do not have to waste your hard-earned money."

"It's all right, Mon," said Padmé, "I have plenty of money. And Dex serves all his food very cheap, remember? It's a good place to get a good meal and save some credits."

"I'm in," said Bail, "Why don't we try it out, Senator Mothma? I have a feeling _anything_ is better than this, at least, when it comes to breakfast."

"Very well," said Mothma, "I don't altogether like the idea of wasting food, but this can hardly be called 'food.' Come on, Senator Chuchi, let's go."

"You three go ahead," said Chuchi after taking a sip of her orange juice, "I like this food. It's interesting, and it tastes good, and I think it's healthier than people give it credit for."

"You seriously like this place?" said a disbelieving Padmé, "It's disgusting."

"It's terrible," said Bail.

"I concur with them," said Mothma, who always preferred to use well-mannered words and save the less cultured ones for others to use.

"It's _good_," insisted Chuchi, "And I'm finishing my food, I'm not wasting it. I won't stop you guys from going to Dex's, but I'm staying here. I will not waste good food."

"Suit yourself, then," said Bail. "We'll see you later at the Senate Rotunda."

"Enjoy yourselves," Chuchi said as they got up to throw out their trash.

"We will," said Padmé. "We just hope that you will, too."

"I have no doubt I will, Padmé," said Chuchi, "If the Trade Federation doesn't frighten me, I seriously doubt that I'll fear this food, either."

"Goodbye, then," the older senators all said, and they left for Dex's Diner.

As they walked out, Ahsoka and Barriss walked in, looking like they were sneaking around as they quietly entered McDonald's.

"Hi, Chuchi," said Ahsoka, "It looks like your senator friends didn't much like this place. Are you going to go with them?"

"Are you kidding?" Chuchi smiled, "I'm having the time of my life here, and this is only breakfast!"

"Oh, good," said Barriss.

"But why are you guys sneaking around?" asked Chuchi. "It looks like you're trying to hide from somebody."

"Oh, we're just hiding from Master Luminara Unduli," said Barriss, "She doesn't want me to come here, but Ahsoka and I just can't pass up a good opportunity to be together."

"That sounds good," said Chuchi. "Say, why don't you two get yourselves some food and join me? It's going to be lonely without the company of my fellow politicians."

"Sure!" said Ahsoka and Barriss enthusiastically. "Let's get something."

"I recommend you try one of the Egg McMuffins or a sausage biscuit or McGriddles," said Chuchi, "This Sausage McMuffin with Egg is just delicious."

"We'll keep that in mind, Chuchi," grinned Ahsoka.

And the three young girls enjoyed their time together for the rest of the morning as Ahsoka and Barriss joined Riyo Chuchi at the booth. Chuchi even had a second McMuffin so she wouldn't be far behind Ahsoka and Barriss' meals.


	6. Domino Squad at McDonald's

**Hevy, Droidbait, Echo, Cutup, and Fives**

"Are we having fun yet?" asked Cutup.

It was yet another fine day in McDonald's, and Domino Squad, "the finest troops ever trained," and they may well be, were having a private party at the McDonald's location in Galactic City.

"I'll tell you what's fun," said Hevy proudly, "Eating these two Big Macs with a helping of large World Famous Fries to myself. And I never knew that a drink with 'Dr.' in its name could be so cool and so juicy."

"Yeah, but Hevy," said Echo, "I still say it would have been better for you to have just one Big Mac per meal. It has twenty-nine grams of total fat, forty-six grams of carbohydrates, and nine hundred-seventy milligrams of sodium. Your Dr. Pepper also has plenty of those. And you know the old saying: _You are what you eat_."

"There he goes again," said Droidbait exasperatedly, "echoing the orders, then the reg. manuals, and now the values of the food at this place. Echo, just enjoy your food. This place may not have the healthiest food, but I think they make it because it's fun to eat, not to poison people."

"Yeah, and I think that many, if not all, of the people who eat from here are smart enough not to overeat McDonald's food," said Fives as he ate his McDouble and fries contentedly and drank his Sprite.

"Oh, Hevy, Echo, leave each other alone," grinned Cutup, "You guys never did like eating the grub on Kamino. It was so healthy, it was sterile, like a clone."

Fives, Droidbait, and Hevy laughed. Echo just looked self-conscious. "But brothers," he protested, "we have to keep in shape for our missions and campaigns. With food like this, who knows how out-of-shape we could get?"

"Is that why you got that Premium Grilled Chicken Classic Sandwich for yourself, Echo?" asked Hevy, "Because it doesn't have a lot of fat in it. And you also got apple slices instead of fries, and a little low fat milk jug to drink. Echo, we don't have to eat slop all the time in order to be fit for battle!"

"Yeah, we don't have to eat something that makes our taste buds retaliate," joked Cutup again.

"All right, all right!" Echo said loudly. Some customers turned and looked at him funnily. Flushing red, he continued, more quietly, "Maybe I do need to lighten up sometimes. I just… I feel a little responsible for our well-being, since I'm the one of us who's the most by-the-book and conscious of our orders."

"Relax, Echo," said Hevy, "We meant nothing by it. We all have our own style. That's why we are such individuals. However, you really do echo the things you learn a bit too much, and sometimes we get tired of it."

"Well, I have to be an individual, too, you know," said Echo.

"And that's what we love about you, brother," said Fives. "Without you, we would probably have all been reconditioned by the Kaminoans, or the Republic politicians, for not complying with the command code of the GAR. You're invaluable to us."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that, brothers," said Echo, putting his food down for a moment and getting up to hug Fives.

"Awww…" said Cutup, "young love."

"Hey, Cutup," said Fives, "As long as you just spoke up, how do you like your food? You must be enjoying it, if you can crack this many jokes in such a short period of time."

"Mm," Cutup said, "It's the best I've ever had. I love this double cheeseburger, although I'm not sure what they mean by 'American cheese;' maybe it's the name of a city or a planet, I don't know. And over-salted or no, these medium World Famous Fries are so yummy I'd like to know how to make them myself, both burgers and fries. I could start my own business making these cheeseburgers and French Fries as I heard they're also called, or I could have a burger n' chips party with you guys and possibly some other brothers in the army."

"You _are_ enthusiastic, Cutup," remarked Droidbait.

"You bet I am!" Cutup replied.

"How about that Minute Maid Apple Juice?" Droidbait asked, "You almost look like a kid drinking from a little box like that."

"So does Echo when he drinks from his milk jug," Cutup countered.

"I personally don't care if I look like a child," said Echo, "I just want to stay healthy."

"Good thing, too," said Hevy. "You look like you're doing well with your meal too, Droidbait."

"Of course I am," said Droidbait, "Angus is the best beef there is, and it shows in this Angus Bacon and Cheese burger. "I agree that the fries are good, too, and this McCafé Chocolate Shake surely tastes better than all the vanilla desserts we got on Kamino."

"Hey, maybe this is another thing that contributes to our individuality," said Hevy as he finished his first Big Mac and prepared to start his second. "The things that we like to eat."

"I couldn't agree more, Hevy," said Fives. "Hey, guys, do you think it would be possible to get some of this food to Kamino? The Kaminoans are always so fussy about cleanliness, but it would be cool for the cadets. And I'm sure that Ninety-nine would love it as much as we do. If we can get our hands and mouths on such delicious stuff, so can he."

"Gee, I'm not sure how to do it," said Droidbait.

"Ah, we'll figure out a way," said Hevy confidently, "If we can't smuggle it in, or make a request or an order to have a McDonald's installed there, we can just take some with us next time we're assigned there."

"Oh, I'll do better than that," said Echo, "I'll make sure, after we become ARC troopers, that is, that we can all have a special privilege to bring McDonald's to Kamino with our new authority."

"That's sounds great," said Fives. He raised his right hand and asked his brothers to do the same.

"We swear one day to bring McDonald's to our brothers on Kamino," they said together.

"Very good, brothers," said Fives, "Very good." Echo, Hevy, and Droidbait voiced their agreement.

"One greasy Kamino cloning center coming right up!" said Cutup.


	7. Two Padawan Pals at Burger King

The people of Coruscant and the galaxy in general were just starting to get accustomed to the food of McDonald's when suddenly, more otherworldly fast food chains started to spring up. Soon, there were places for stuff like chicken, tacos, pizza, sub sandwiches, and more burgers. And today, two Padawan pals who are accustomed to McDonald's are trying out its greatest rival from where it comes from.

* * *

**Ahsoka and Barriss 2**

"Oo-kay," said Ahsoka, as she and Barriss entered the new fast food restaurant about four blocks away from McDonald's, "So what do you know about this Burger King place, Barriss?"

"Well, I know about a rumor that it is supposed to be McDonald's greatest rival in the fast food business, to start with," said Barriss, "Beyond that, I'm not altogether sure, but someone told me that they thought it was even less healthy than McDonald's."

"That isn't altogether encouraging," remarked Ahsoka, "But who knows? I, for one, would like to know which place is more tasty myself, McDonald's or Burger King. I want to know which one is more like my kind of chow."

"I suppose we'll soon find out," smiled Barriss, and they stepped up to the counter.

"Hi, welcome to Burger King, ladies," said a cheerful young Twi'lek woman in the crisp starched uniform of the Burger King employees. "How may I help you this afternoon?"

"Hmm," said Ahsoka, looking at the menu, "I think I'll have the Whopper Jr. Sandwich Meal."

"And I would like a MorningStar Veggie Burger with onion rings and a light lemonade," said Barriss.

"Comin' right up, ladies," the clerk said, giving the orders to the cooks to prepare their meal.

"I like the way she calls us ladies," Ahsoka said to Barriss.

"I agree," said Barriss, "But don't you think you could have ordered the regular Whopper Sandwich Meal, instead of the Jr. one?"

"Why do you say that, Barriss?" asked Ahsoka.

"Well," Barriss raised an eyebrow, "the junior meals are for kids, if you think about it, Ahsoka. You wouldn't want people thinking of you as a youngling, would you? I _know_ how much you _hate_ that!" She grinned.

"Oh, Barriss!" Ahsoka playfully punched her in the arm, "You are incorrigible! You know that just because I get a junior meal doesn't mean I'm a youngling."

"I know, I know, Ahsoka!" laughed Barriss, "I'm just keeping you on your toes. We might as well show some enthusiasm today if we're going to enjoy this food."

"Good point, Barriss," said Ahsoka.

Just then, their food arrived. Barriss paid the appropriate number of Republic credits, and she and Ahsoka went to a table, with Ahsoka picking up some straws and napkins along the way.

"Just a moment, Ahsoka," Barriss said suddenly, "I think we should check this food to make sure it isn't contaminated with anything."

Ahsoka looked puzzled. "Why do you say that, Barriss? I'm sure they'd be careful preparing this food."

"Usually," said Barriss, "but not always. Listen, I finally learned how I got food poisoning from that Big Mac the first day we visited McDonald's. There was some sort of dead insect stuck in the meat."

Ahsoka blinked. "What?" she said.

"It's true, Ahsoka," said Barriss, "It surprised me too, but I've heard it happen to other people, too. Master Yoda once commented that he found a bug of some sort in his snack wrap when he went there with Anakin and Obi-Wan, but curiously enough, it didn't poison him. Perhaps it's because Yoda's anonymous species can eat anything that more carbon-based life-forms can't!"

Ahsoka chortled. "That's Master Yoda for you, all right! Well, I guess you're right, we should check this food. But I still can't picture something contaminating any kind of food meant for sentient beings-"

Ahsoka's eyes widened. There was a fly or something in her fries. She looked as if a cuckoo bird had popped out of her own head.

"Eww!" she said in disgust, "Did you see that?"

Barriss looked at Ahsoka's fries. "Well, what do you know? We almost got caught by contamination again, only this time, it was you with the poisoned food."

"I can't eat these!" Ahsoka complained. "I need new fries!"

"Why don't you go back to the counter and complain about it?" suggested Barriss. "I'm sure they'll let you have a new sleeve of fries. And I'm sure that they keep track of the complaints of customers, too."

"How do you know that?" asked Ahsoka curiously.

"Oh, let's just say that the Force told me," said Barriss light-heartedly.

"Very cute, Barriss," Ahsoka said with cheerful sarcasm.

"Oh, and here are some of my credits," said Barriss, "because they might charge you for the new fries."

"That sounds great," said Ahsoka, taking the money and going back to the counter.

Meanwhile, Barriss checked her own food and found nothing contaminating it, so she decided to start eating. Ahsoka returned about three minutes later.

"How did it go?" Barriss asked.

"Better than I thought," said Ahsoka. "They dumped the old fries complete with the fly, and let me have a new set which they checked for me. Of course, it cost a few credits, like you thought it would, but I guess it's worth it."

"Good," said Barriss.

They sat down and started eating.

"So, how is your food, Barriss?" asked Ahsoka.

"It's all right," said Barriss, "Nothing polluting it at all."

"I've heard enough about food contamination for one day, Barriss," sighed Ahsoka, "I meant, how does it taste? And how unhealthy does it seem?"

"Actually, I think this food is a little better than McDonald's," Barriss said truthfully, "This veggie burger has some good lettuce, tomato, and onions, and I never thought tofu, or whatever this 'veggie meat' is, could taste so good. The onion rings are better than French fries, too, and the lemonade tastes amazingly natural."

"Oh, okay," said Ahsoka, "This Whopper Burger sure hits the spot, and the fries are even crispier than the McDonald's fries. As for the Coca-Cola, I think it's tasty, too, though I wonder why soft drinks are not healthy, too."

"I can't help you much with that, Ahsoka," said Barriss, "But I think that it has something to do with corn starch or something like that. There's something in it that makes it bad for carbon-based life-forms."

"Well, I guess I'd better be careful to drink it in moderation, then," Ahsoka smiled.

And they continued to enjoy their meal, deciding in the end that Burger King was a little better than McDonald's. But only time would tell who would agree with their opinion.


	8. Four Republic Senators at KFC

**Padmé, Bail, Chuchi, and Taa**

"What sort of food is in _this_ place, now?" asked Bail Organa as he walked with Padmé, Riyo Chuchi, and Orn Free Taa towards the entrance of another fast food joint.

"Well, the sign says Kentucky Fried Chicken, or the acronym KFC, so I suppose it's a restaurant where they sell fried chickens," said Padmé.

"And what exactly are 'Kentucky chickens' supposed to be?" Bail inquired further.

"I don't know who or what 'Kentucky' is, Senator Organa," suggested Chuchi, "But a chicken is apparently some kind of bird that's bred for farming and eating. I've heard that it, as well as its cousin, the turkey, both resemble and taste similar to the nuna birds found all over the galaxy."

"Maybe they really use nuna in this food, and just claim it's chicken," said Bail, "Because I've never seen a single chicken in my whole life, although I suppose I should have a vague guess, at least, because the Grand Army's AT-RT's and new AT-ST's are nicknamed 'the chicken walkers.'"

"I'm not so sure, Bail," said Padmé, "I don't see anything deceptive about this place, and if All Terrain Recon Transports and Scout Transports can be called 'chicken walkers,' then surely chickens exist somewhere. Maybe they just don't exist in great numbers on Alderaan, or Coruscant. But there are a sizeable number of them on Naboo."

"That's possible, I guess," Bail said.

"It doesn't matter so much to me where this food comes from," said Senator Taa, "But since you say that chickens are like nunas, the food here must be even better than McDonald's food. I love deep fried nuna legs!"

"Yes, we know how much you pine for good food, Senator Taa," remarked Chuchi with a sidelong look at him. She wasn't very amused by the corrupt senator, bloated in more ways than one. Sometimes she wondered why she and her friends spent time with him in the first place. He wasn't one of their idealistic numbers in their group.

They entered. Padmé surprised them by getting hot wings for herself, plus green beans and an iced tea. Bail wasn't keen on chicken, so he ordered a potpie with mashed potatoes. Chuchi and Taa wondered how they could stand to stomach such food. Chuchi got the original recipe fried chicken in a small bucket with potato wedges and a Mountain Dew, and Taa ordered extra crispy fried chicken with wedges and a Pepsi-Cola.

At their table, they ate with varying degrees of enjoyment. Padmé seemed to appreciate her hot wings, and Bail wondered if her actions and battles alongside Anakin Skywalker influenced that. He was eating his potpie while trying to ignore Taa, who was eating noisily, as usual, to say the least. As he ate, Taa smacked and licked his fingers and his lips more often than he used his napkin, and an Aqualish spacer sitting nearby, trying to eat a Chicken Little in peace, roared at Senator Taa. The fat senator gave him an innocent look, which only angered the alien even more. Bail finally got up and walked over to the Aqualish's table, whispering something to him than made the spacer quiet down, mostly and reluctantly, anyway. To Bail's relief, though, Taa decided to eat a little more quietly from then on. As for Riyo Chuchi, she was enjoying her fried chicken almost as much as Taa was, but she remembered her manners the whole time, and ate more silently.

"Tell me again why Senators Robb and Farr aren't here with us," she asked suddenly.

"Oh, they didn't want to come," said Taa, who had just finished a big bite and remembered to use his napkin. "Poor Kin Robb will no longer eat anywhere where I'm also present, after that meal at McDonald's with Duchess Satine, so she went to the Zothique instead."

"Well, that makes sense," Padmé surmised, "She always _did_ prefer elegant and expensive restaurants to shabby fast food joints and greasy spoons."

"Yes, I believe that was it, too," confirmed Taa, "She loves fancy food over fast food. And she took Senator Farr with her. Farr informed me that a place where they sell only chicken related food is no place for a Rodian, because fish-and Rodians-simply do not eat chicken."

"That makes sense, too," Chuchi agreed, "Besides, I don't think his round mouth is fit to chew off this kind of meat."

"I'm sure Uncle Ono will enjoy himself wherever he chooses to go, just like us," said Padmé.

To their surprise, another fat, corrupt senator passed their table. He stopped to talk to them.

"Ah, senators," he said, "I'm surprised you can enjoy eating here during a time of great crisis and war!"

"Hello to you too, Ask Aak," Padmé greeted him nonchalantly.

"_Padmé Amidala,"_ Aak replied with a hint of sarcasm.

"Oh, no, Senator Aak," said Bail, already a little tense, "Don't you start with us about how we should be fully committed to this ugly war. We're just trying to enjoy a little meal here."

"Yes, I can see that," Aak said stubbornly, "And what are you doing, hanging around with these _Jedi_ lovers, Senators Taa and Chuchi?"

"I _am_ a _'Jedi lover,' Senator_," Chuchi said forcefully, "And just because many Jedi have done questionable things during the war doesn't mean they're _all_ guilty. Frankly, I just can't understand how you, your allies, and Chancellor Palpatine can make such sweeping indictments of a whole race. You should take some time out to examine your conscience, or what's left of it."

"I do so have a conscience!" said Aak through clenched teeth, "Why else do you think I care about the safety of Malastare?"

"That's not good enough in my boat," said Chuchi. "Now leave us alone, we're just trying to have a nice, friendly supper here, and you're disrupting it."

"Fine, then," Aak submitted, but then he said, "But remember this: Chancellor Palpatine is the leader of the Republic, and he's doing a much better job of fighting this war than any of your Jedi friends. I'll bet that by the time the war is over, the Jedi will be revealed as traitors and outlawed, and then where will the three of you be? Probably in prison, or even dead, and I surely hope that you _do_ die before you get anywhere near my age, little Pantoran." He haughtily walked away.

"That's intimidation, Senator, and you know it!" Chuchi called after him, "And if you ever do it again, to me or my friends, I'll sic Padawan Ahsoka Tano on you!" Ask Aak glanced back briefly, but he only sneered patronizingly, and stalked out of the restaurant.

"Talk about a temper," said Padmé, "Chuchi, you could've gotten us in big trouble."

"I agree," said Bail, "We have enough problems with the Senate majority without you retaliating at them."

"I'm sorry," Chuchi said, "It's just how I am. You know I can't tolerate immature insolence from people, even my enemies, and even if I _do_ get punished for my beliefs someday, I'd rather be tortured to death before I turn twenty-one than compromise my conscience any day."

Padmé found she couldn't argue with Chuchi's feelings, especially with her knowledge of Anakin's feelings. Bail felt similar. "Suit yourself, Riyo," said Bail, "Just be careful not to take any of us down with you. I'm not ready to receive your desired fate yet."

"Can we stop this heavy talk, senators?" Taa said, "My chicken is getting cold."

"He's right," said Chuchi, "let's continue."

"I heard someone say that another, more non-violent war is beginning because of all these fast food chains springing up seemingly out of nowhere," remarked Padmé.

"What sort of war?" Bail asked nervously.

"I heard them call it 'The Food Wars.'"

"Now, that's my kind of war," said Taa joyously, "It'll be a lot of fun to see which chain wins and gets whatever the reward is."

"Well, the Food Wars are certainly preferable to the Clone Wars," said Chuchi as she bit into another leg of chicken.

* * *

**A/N: **I didn't make up the Zothique restaurant; it's very briefly mentioned in MedStar II: Jedi Healer. It's a fancy restaurant that the battle surgeon Jos Vondar favored over Uli Divini's favorite, Dex's Diner. I don't own them, either.


	9. Honorable Bounty Hunters at Taco Bell

**Sugi, Embo, Rumi Paramita, and Seripas**

Coruscant was not the only part of the galaxy where the Food Wars were running rampant. In deep space, more specifically, the Outer Rim, near Felucia, there was a little space station constructed for travelers on the go to rest and recuperate. And at this particular one, there was a Taco Bell fly-thru for anyone interested in trying out Mexican fast food. And one day, rumored to be a few days before their excursion on Felucia with Hondo Ohnaka's pirates and three Jedi, a team of bounty hunters had come for a quick bite. And worry not, because these bounty hunters were of the more honorable and decent type, not like the shady, amoral Cad Bane, or the merciless, heartless Boba Fett or Aurra Sing.

Their names were Embo, Rumi Paramita, Seripas, and Sugi, the leader of the team.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" asked Seripas nervously, "I mean, what if this place doesn't accept bounty hunters? We could get in big trouble in there."

"Relax, Seripas," Sugi assured him, "The fact that we're bounty hunters is all the more reason for us to walk in there. No one but the Jedi, Sith, and Mandalorians dare to take on professional mercenaries, and besides, the Sith are highly unlikely to be in this particular spot today, the Mandalorians only fight our kind if they have good reason to, and the Jedi are so full of their own morality that they would ask questions first and swing a lightsaber later."

"Yes, you're right, Sugi," said Seripas, "But I can't go in there and eat in my exoskeleton suit, you know. People will see what a little shrimp I am, and I won't be fearsome anymore. Can't we just use one of the fly-thru windows?"

"Sorry, but we can't," Sugi replied, "While our ship does have some luxuries, it isn't fit for us to have a full meal in it. We have to go into the place."

"You're always paranoid about people seeing how little you are, Seripas," said Rumi, "Don't you think you could just lighten up for a little while? This 'Taco Bell' is supposed to serve some really hot food, and I mean HOT! Even you can't say no to that!"

"I would like to see that happen," wisecracked Embo in Huttese.

Rumi and Sugi gave him a sidelong look. Seripas looked a little uncertain still, but finally submitted to going inside as they parked.

They looked around the restaurant station. People were seated at booths next to the safety glass windows, while other people were standing at the counter waiting for their food. Some of them looked nervous as Sugi and her team walked in. They were especially wary of Embo, who just looked nonchalant as he followed Sugi. A few customers at the counter distanced themselves from them as they stepped up to the counter.

"Uh, yes, can I help you?" asked a scared-looking Atoan near-human in uniform behind the counter.

Sugi knew the Atoan probably didn't speak Huttese, so she translated Embo's order: a Volcano Taco, and a Mountain Dew. Rumi ordered a Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Taco Supreme and a Piña Colada Freeze drink. Seripas wanted a Beefy 5-layer Burrito and a Pink Lemonade Freeze, which he hoped wouldn't make him seem younger than he actually was in front of the other patrons, and Sugi got a Chicken Burrito with a Cherry Limeade Sparkler. She also ordered a plate of Cheesy Nachos as a side dish for all of them. They got into one of the booths with their food, or rather, Sugi, Embo, and Seripas did.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Rumi complained, "I'm so tall, long-legged and gangly, I can't sit comfortably in this bloody booth! I need a chair, or something!"

"Don't worry, Rumi, we'll get you one," said Sugi. "Hey, clerk at the counter! We need a chair for my tall friend here."

The clerk went to get a chair, but he was moving too slowly for their patience, except Seripas, who was already eating, and when he showed his face again, Embo eyed him and fingered his crossbow. The clerk panicked and brought the chair over more quickly.

"Here, here you go!" he said, his voice trembling a little. "Will there be anything else, my good people?"

"No, I think we have everything we need here," said Sugi.

"Oh, thank you, ma'am! Thank you!" he said foolishly, and returned to the counter.

"Not very courteous, is he?" Embo said, again in Huttese.

"Take it easy, Embo," said Sugi sternly, "He's just nervous. It's natural for the common people to fear bounty hunters, so don't cause us any trouble. Let's just try this food out."

"Mmm," said Seripas, "I already know what I think of mine. This Beefy Burrito is my kind of food: soft, but not too soft, with tasty cheese and beef, and whatever this bread is, it's almost like a bread used in religious rites, or so I've heard in rumors."

"My Chicken Burrito is good, too," Sugi commented, "It's different from yours, Seripas, but it's just as delicious. I think it's a little hard to say which food will be better, the crops those farmers grow on Felucia when we go there, or this food."

"I wonder where that Atoan learned to speak Basic," remarked Rumi, "Most Atoans speak an almost unintelligible language that even protocol droids usually find hard to translate, and can't speak Basic at all."

"I don't think this is a good place to talk about that, Rumi," said Sugi. "I've heard of a way that they can learn to speak Basic, but it might make all of us lose our appetite before we're finished eating. By the way, how's your taco?"

"It's great," Rumi responded, "It's even terrific. A supreme taco can fill my stomach any day. And I can see that we're eating the nachos more eagerly than any other food here. If it were possible to do so, I would order some nachos for take-out, as a snack."

"Of course it's possible," Sugi reassured her, "Remember? You can order food to go here, too. And I agree, the nachos are very good."

"Then let's order a bag, or two, of nachos to take with us to Felucia," Rumi suggested.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Sugi said, "And you, Embo?"

"My compliments to the chef. A meal fit for an… assassin."

"I'm not surprised," remarked Seripas, who had just finished his meal, "You're one tough, hot customer, Embo, and not just around here, and only someone with your tough taste buds could easily eat a Volcano Taco without burning his mouth."

Embo chortled and commented on their complimentary contribution to the Food Wars. They finished their meal mostly in silence, and before leaving, Sugi ordered a bag full of two helpings of nachos to go. Little did Rumi know that she would have to enjoy them while she had the chance, because she would not return alive from Felucia.


	10. Domino Squad at Domino's Pizza

**Domino Squad & Domino's Pizza**

"So you're saying that all the troops are going to have a supper of their choice for one day?" asked Droidbait eagerly.

"That's right, Droidbait," confirmed Hevy, "And I already have an excellent idea for our own meal. What do you guys say we send out for some pizza?"

"Oh, I got the number of a great little pizza place," said Echo.

"Well, who are they? Let's call them!" said Fives.

"I know!" said Cutup, "It's Domino's Pizza. Domino's Pizza for the Domino Squad!"

They all roared with laughter. "Good one, Cutup!" remarked Echo, "But actually, I was serious. The Food Wars are underway, as you know well, and as great as McDonald's was, my intuition tells me that Domino's Pizza was made for us Dominoes! What's more fitting than a choice restaurant that bears our own group name?"

"I agree," said Fives, "Although I think we should try its food first, before we decide that for sure."

"Good idea," said Echo, "I wish I had thought of that myself."

"I'll give 'em a call on the comlink," suggested Droidbait, "You guys tell me what you want."

"I'd like one of their feast pizzas," said Cutup.

"O-kay," said Droidbait, "Which one?"

"I'll take a MeatZZa Feast," said Hevy, "Or an Ultimate Pepperoni Feast."

"I'll eat anything with vegetables on it," said Echo.

"Aw, come on, Echo," said Cutup, "Why are you always ordering things made of fruit and vegetables? Enjoy what the carnivores like for once, why don't you?"

"I could say that you and Hevy shouldn't eat so many things made only of meat," replied Echo, "Sure, meat has protein in it, but veggies have vitamins that are even more vital to our health than protein. Like, for example-"

"Oh, Echo!" said Hevy with mock exasperation, "_Please_ don't get into echoing the health issues again! We should be enjoying ourselves, and meat is more fun to eat than veggies. So relax, and let's have some fun!"

"But Hevy, veggies can be fun to eat, too," insisted Echo, "Maybe they're not as rich or richly flavored as meat, but many people enjoy eating them, more than you know."

"Uh, maybe we should start off slow," suggested Droidbait, "What would everyone like to drink? They have a good selection of beverages there."

"I'd like to have a Sprite again," said Fives quickly.

"I've heard that their tropical orange Fanta is supposed to be as delicious as orange juice," said Cutup, "Get me one of those, Droidbait."

"I'll have a Coca-Cola," said Hevy.

"I'll have a Diet Coke," said Echo.

"Are you ordering that because you once again don't want to get fat?" inquired Fives.

"Maybe," said Echo, "What's that to you, brother? If you guys don't want me to lecture the rules to you so much, then you should show me the same courtesy."

"Ethical words, indeed," said Cutup, "But I don't think you're ever going to stop echoing the rules, frankly. It's in your clone blood to make like a cavern and howl like a ghost."

Everyone chortled. Even Echo cracked a small smile this time. "Good one, Cutup."

"And I think I'll drink a Nestea, myself," Droidbait said. "Now, have we settled into a decision about the food? If it were up to me, I'd have a Deluxe Feast Pizza. That's my way of saying that I'm pretty flexible with the rest of your choices."

"I say we have a Pepperoni Feast Pizza," said Hevy.

"I say we make it a MeatZZa Feast Pizza," said Cutup.

"I'm not eating meat!" stated Echo, "At least, I'm not _just_ eating meat!"

"There's no meat in pepperoni!" protested Hevy.

"Then how come there's no pepperoni in the Pacific Veggie Pizza?" Echo demanded.

"I… don't know, Echo," said Hevy, "Wait a minute, you're not thinking of having the veggie pizza, are you?"

"I don't know," said Echo, "Maybe."

"Well, I'm not eating only vegetables!" Hevy said loudly.

"Me neither," said Cutup.

"Screw me," said Droidbait, "We really _are_ the falling dominoes."

"Guys, guys," said Fives, "Let's not get into a fight about this! Our clone brothers are getting their own food for fun, and I don't recall any of them fighting over it. I, at any rate, am almost as flexible as Droidbait. And I think we should strike a compromise over this. We don't even have to order a single pizza. I'd like to have something along the lines of the Deluxe Feast, like Droidbait, or maybe the America's Favorite Feast."

"Well, I'm glad somebody has a good idea made up," remarked Droidbait. "Now, what about the rest of you?"

"Well, since Hevy won't just eat veggies, and I won't just eat meat, and from the looks of the toppings listed on the menu, I think the best compromise would be the Deluxe Feast Pizza," suggested Echo.

"That's an idea," said Fives, "We could also order two or three smaller pizzas to share between us."

"If that's true," said Hevy, "then I'd like to have the MeatZZa Pizza. I almost thought of ordering the pepperoni pizza, but the MeatZZa also has pepperoni, and Cutup said he wanted the MeatZZa Feast."

"Hey, thanks, Hevy," said Cutup.

"No problem, brother," smiled Hevy. Cutup grinned back.

"Hey, Droidbait," said Fives, "How about we have the Deluxe Feast? We both expressed interest in it, and Echo considered it, too."

"I'd agree to that gladly," Droidbait said.

"Actually," said Echo, "I would rather have the veggie pizza. Can I order a medium Pacific Veggie Pizza?"

"If you want to," agreed Droidbait and Fives. "And to finish our order," said Droidbait, "does anyone want any sides?"

Cutup ordered boneless chicken, Hevy ordered hot wings, and Echo, Droidbait, and Fives ordered three bags each of Lay's potato chips and Doritos nacho cheese tortilla chips. Droidbait made the call, and they waited for it to arrive at their post on the Rishi moon.

When it arrived, they were shocked that the entire order cost around fifty Republic credits, but their boss, Sergeant O'Niner, helped them pay for it because they had conducted themselves well at their post so far. Before taking their food to the base's little mess hall, they asked Nub, O'Niner, and CT-327 if they wanted to share any of it, but they declined, reminding Domino Squad that they had already tried out Domino's Pizza's rival Pizza Hut recently. Cutup cracked a joke about how appropriate Pizza Hut was for the Hutts, but only Nub thought it was funny; CT-327 looked puzzled, and O'Niner seemed to lack a sense of humor.

"So, then," said Hevy, "What d' you think, guys?"

"This pizza is like a slice of heaven itself," said Cutup, enjoying the taste of every piece of meat as well as the cheese.

"I agree," said Hevy, "This is the best pepperoni ever, much better than even McDonald's Big Macs."

"I'm so glad you like it," said Echo with a raised eyebrow. "My veggie pizza is just as delicious, and it doesn't matter to me if you two disagree with me."

"I say that Droidbait and I have the best pizza," said Fives, "because we have the best of both worlds here."

"Hey, check this out!" Droidbait exclaimed suddenly, "Look at this free prize we got!"

"A free prize?" said Echo, "I thought Domino's Pizza didn't give out prizes."

"A note says that when they found out that we are Domino Squad, the finest cadets ever trained, they sent these little dominoes to us as souvenirs to symbolize the name of our squad." He held up a transparent bag full of black-and-white domino toys.

Domino Squad stared in astonishment.

"Now we really _are_ the DOMINO SQUAD!" Cutup exclaimed.

They all laughed and divided up the dominoes among themselves.

"We should celebrate this event," suggested Fives.

"Really? How?" asked Echo.

"First, let's finish enjoying our food here. Then, let's put in a good word of gratitude to Domino's Pizza. I can't promise they'll win the Food Wars, but if they do, I want the galaxy to know that we helped make it happen!"

"Good job, men!" said Hevy, standing up and saluting his brothers. They stood up and did the same.

Three days later, Droidbait, Cutup, and Hevy, along with O'Niner, Nub, and CT-327, died defending the Rishi moon base, and Echo and Fives were accepted into Captain Rex's 501st Legion.


	11. Four Friends at Monolith Burger

**A/N: **I do not own the rights to Space Quest, I'm just having fun with one of the game series' locations, Monolith Burger.

* * *

**Ahsoka, Lux, Barriss, and Uli**

"We never seem to tire of going to burger joints, do we, Barriss?" said Ahsoka after they parked their Jedi starfighters at the docks of the newest fast food restaurant in the galaxy, Monolith Burger.

"No, I guess not," said Barriss, smiling. "So, who is this friend of yours we're meeting here again? Lux Bonteri, or something?"

"Yeah," said Ahsoka, "and he's a great guy, and I think he likes me. I think he likes me for who I am, actually, though he thinks I look good, too. He's the senator of Onderon. And how about your friend?"

"Uli Divini?" said Barriss, "He's adorable. We had some good conversations on Drongar during my mission there, and he certainly likes me. In fact, I can tell he's physically attracted to me, but he seems to be in love with me, too."

"Ooh," said Ahsoka, "I never thought you were that type of girl, Barriss!" She sniggered.

Barriss punched her playfully. "I am not! I just…" Her voice trailed off.

"Lover-birds, sitting in a tree," Ahsoka sang.

"Okay, Ahsoka, okay!" Barriss exclaimed. "So I have some sort of feelings for him, too. But it's not exactly romance. You know our Jedi Masters won't let us have attachments."

"Yeah," said Ahsoka, "But sometimes I wish they would. Having close friends has made my life much more fulfilled than it would be without them."

"Well, anyway," said Barriss, trying to change the subject, "Let's check this place out."

It smelled good in the restaurant, and the atmosphere was a friendly one, apparently. They noticed a couple of signs that said, "No shirt, no shoes, no service," and "Employee of the Month." Next to the latter sign stood a roughly humanoid alien neither Barriss nor Ahsoka recognized.

"I'm glad that I don't wear my old Padawan outfit anymore," said Ahsoka, "That might count as 'no shirt, no service' for me."

"Yes, I'm surprised you never looked out of place anywhere with that tube top and those tights on," remarked Barriss.

"So, why don't we go up to the counter and order something from that weird little alien?" asked Ahsoka.

"Suits me, Ahsoka," said Barriss.

Just then, two young boys, who looked like they had just been introduced to each other, stepped up beside them eagerly.

"Hello, Ahsoka," said the one with dark brown hair. "Barriss!" said the one with ash blond hair.

"Hi, Lux! You made it!" said Ahsoka, grinning. "Good to see you, Uli," Barriss said.

"This place certainly looks… less than quaint," remarked Lux, "But I've heard that it's supposed to be extremely popular where it comes from, so I'll try it."

"I don't know if it can beat Dex's Diner or not," Uli remarked next, "But who can blame it? Some people say its food is revolting! They say it looks less like food the more one looks at it, and that they use the tasty aroma of home-cooked food to mask the odor of the _real_ food."

"That doesn't sound altogether encouraging!" Barriss said.

"Well, I don't think everything on their menu can be bad food; we just have to be careful what we order, that's all," Ahsoka said.

"I agree with Ahsoka," said Lux.

"Then by all means, let's try it," said Uli, suddenly seeming to be more enthusiastic than before.

They looked at the menu. "Look at this," said Lux disbelievingly, "they certainly have odd food, or at least odd names for their food. A plankton burger and krill cookies would be more appropriate for a cetacean that a human! They have warm, sugared water instead of pure, crisp, bottled water, too! And what the heck is a Filet-O-Orat?"

Ahsoka shrugged. "Beats me, Lux."

The funny looking clerk behind the counter said politely, "How can I help you kids today? We guarantee that the first burger and fries in line are just as fresh and tasty as the last. Or your money back."

"Well, that's good to hear," said Barriss, "I'll have a Monolith Burger with Polycheese, please?"

"Would you like some space spuds with that?" asked the clerk, eyeing her closely.

"Are space spuds fries?" Barriss asked.

"Yes, they sure are," said the clerk.

"Then yes."

The clerk leaned forward closer. Barriss started to feel a little uneasy. "Would you like a Blattfruit Pie with that?"

"Uh, no thanks," said Barriss.

The clerk's big eyes widened more. _"Would you like a Blattfruit Pie with that?"_ he repeated.

Barriss started to sense through the Force that Monolith Burger employees employed a "Don't take no for an answer" policy. Fortunately, she knew a way to solve that. She waved a hand in front of the alien's face. _"I will not have a Blattfruit Pie,"_ she intoned carefully.

The alien looked hypnotized. "You will not have a Blattfruit Pie," he said.

"_I would rather have… a petroleum byproduct sundae with that,"_ she said.

"You would rather have a petroleum byproduct sundae with that," he repeated.

"Thank you, sir," she said.

"Thank you," he said. Looking a little comfused, he turned to Ahsoka next. "How about you, little girl?"

Ahsoka cringed at being called "little girl," but kept her cool as she said, "I'm adventurous; I'll try the Big Belcher Combo."

Her friends stared at her like she had lost her mind. "Are you sure, Ahsoka?" asked Lux. "It doesn't look like it's healthy for you at all."

"Hey, I'm a Togruta," she smiled, "And I'm Anakin Skywalker's Padawan. I can take _anything_."

"If you say so, Ahsoka," said a resigned Lux.

"And I think I'll have space spuds, too, and _I will_ try the Blattfruit Pie," Ahsoka said to the clerk.

"Sure thing, young lady," he said. Ahsoka was relieved to be called by a more respectable name this time. "And how about you boys?"

"I'll have a Monolith Fun Meal," said Uli. "And make it nice and hot, _not_ ice-cold, like you usually prepare it, that's important. And I'll try one of those, whatever pies you make."

"And I guess I'll try just a regular Monolith Burger with the usual extra things," said Lux.

"Yes, sir!" the alien said. "Coming right up!"

The food certainly came quickly, in no more than two minutes, actually. He gave each of them a small sack of food and said, "Have a nice day!"

They sat at an empty booth. Ahsoka was soon complaining about how uncomfortable they were. Uli said that they were made of something called plastomold, instead of genuine plastic and cushions. The Padawan rolled her eyes and got herself into the best position possible for eating.

They spent the next fifteen/twenty minutes eating and talking about themselves and each other. They got to know each other very well, but it was clear that Uli was right, the "food" was revolting! And yet, ironically, he seemed to be the only one who completely enjoyed his meal.

He commented on how surprisingly tasty the ingredients of the Fun Meal were. And he even discovered the Monolith Burger Prize O' the Day, a decoder ring. He wondered what it could be useful for.

Finally, they finished. Lux and Barriss thought their meals were mildly tasty, but felt synthetic, somehow. Uli commented on an urban legend about how both Monolith Burger and McDonald's used worm meat as a "filler" in their burgers. Barriss cringed. Lux shuddered, saying his Monolith tasted a little like the slick skin of a mucusworm. Uli didn't seem to take offense, saying that his meal was well worth it, and that his vote in the Food Wars went to Monolith Burger, calling it the second greatest diner in the galaxy, second only to Dex's Diner.

"You can't be serious, Uli," said Barriss, "This? It isn't food, it's trash!"

"Barriss, we all have our different taste buds and different favorite foods," said Uli, "So chill. To each his or her own. I think these burgers and fries are the best ever, except for Dexter's sliders and protato wedges, of course."

"Well, I'm glad you like something that's better than this 'food,'" said Lux. "A starving gutkurr could choke on it, or even a mastiff phalone."

"Well, let's go, then," said Barriss, "I can tell that you want to get out of here as quickly as I do."

"Not me, Barriss," Uli said, "I'd love to be with you, but I want to try out this arcade game over here called 'Astro Chicken.' I heard it's just as popular as Monolith Burger itself."

"That's fine with me, Uli," Barriss replied, "I hope I see you again sometime."

Uli waved and walked over to said arcade game.

"How about you, Ahsoka?" Barriss asked, "What do you think of Monolith?"

No sooner did she say that than she heard a big belch behind her. She turned around and saw Ahsoka clutching her mouth.

"I hope she isn't going to hurl or anything," said Lux.

"No, Lux," Ahsoka coughed, "I'm all right. Boy, that combo was a really oily meal! Frankly, it was an adventure coming here, but I think my vote still goes with McDonald's or Burger King."

"I second," said Barriss.

"I'm not sure yet what I like most," said Lux, "but it surely isn't this joint."

"Then I suppose only one out of four had a truly good time here," Barriss said, glancing at Uli, who seemed to be having the time of his life playing Astro Chicken.

"One out of four isn't good enough," said Ahsoka, "especially when I'm not the one."

"Well, we know what the specialty of the Food Wars isn't," remarked Lux. Ahsoka and Barriss laughed, and they said goodbye and parted company.


	12. Young Jedi at Chuck E Cheese

**Katooni, Petro, Ganodi, Byph, Zatt, and Gungi**

"We're gonna have a lot of fun today, I can feel it!" Petro said excitedly as Master Tera Sinube escorted him and his five closest friends from among the Jedi Initiates into a restaurant that evidently catered to kids.

"You can say that again," said Zatt, "I hear their pizza is some of the most delicious food immigrated to the galaxy."

"Just remember that I'm not here to eat," said Byph in Ithorese, "I'm a herbivore. I can't eat meat. I'm here to play around."

"You don't have to abstain from eating, Byph," Katooni assured him, "I heard they have a vegetarian pizza for herbivores. I think you'd like it."

Byph seemed to consider it. "Give me a moment. I'll decide soon."

"All right, children," said Master Sinube, "I'm going to pay for your food and provide you with the appropriate amount for playing the games. Then you're on your own. Remember to behave yourselves, and Katooni is in charge. I'll be waiting outside the restaurant, in case you really need me."

"I don't understand it, Master," said Ganodi, "How can you be so patient with passing the time standing around outside while we have fun? It must be boring."

"Worry not, little one," Sinube replied, "Why should a Jedi have to hurry his life along? I have all the time there is in the galaxy. Have as much fun as you want, and I will be ready for you when you are finished. Call me if you need me, but only if it's an emergency."

"Yes, Master Sinube," they said together, bowing to the old alien with the cane/lightsaber. He sat down at an empty spot outside and immersed himself in the Force, while the six children stepped into Chuck E. Cheese.

* * *

They looked around at the décor of the place and all the younglings having fun. Besides the tables, there were also numerous electronic boxes standing around called arcade games, some amusement rides, and lots of climbing equipment, tubes, and slides.

"Wow!" Ganodi exclaimed, "I'm first on the tubes and slides!"

"I'm up on the climbing equipment!" said Petro.

"I wanna try those games out!" said Zatt.

"Hey, guys," said Katooni, "wait up. Don't you think we should eat first? We could use the energy from the protein in the food here."

Gungi growled his agreement.

"Yeah, you're right, Katooni," said Petro, "Let's order our food and find a table."

Byph found a nice table near the games and the equipment, and they sat down. The easy-to-read menus were full of many different kinds of pizzas, though they also listed some condiments and sandwiches, as well as desserts and beverages.

"I guess I'll try the vegetarian pizza after all," said Byph, who seemed to have reconsidered his choice not to eat. "I'd like it to be an individual pizza."

"That sounds good, Byph," said Katooni, "I think I'll try a super combo, medium-sized, if anyone cares to eat it with me."

"I'll eat it with you, Katooni," offered Petro, "I'd love to try a pizza with as many toppings as possible. And if you can't eat exactly half of it, I'll be glad to eat an extra slice or two."

"Thanks, Petro," said Katooni, "I knew you'd help me out."

"I'm going to have an All-Meat Combo," said Zatt, "A large one. How about you two, Gungi and Ganodi? Would you like to join me in eating it?"

Gungi roared in the affirmative.

"It sounds good to me," Ganodi agreed, "but I'm not sure if I want to eat too much. I don't want to risk getting fat, because a Jedi shouldn't be fat, not even a youngling."

"Oh, relax, Ganodi," said Zatt, "It's not like we come here all the time, though if Chuck E. Cheese wins a high honor in the Food Wars, we _could_ do that. We do enough exercising and physical disciplines it would be almost impossible for us to get roly-poly like Orn Free Taa."

"I already _am_ relaxed, Zatt," Ganodi said with her arms crossed, "I just feel that eating too much, fat or no, will make me a glutton, and Jedi could insult the Force if they eat too much and meditate too little."

"Says the girl whose frustrations so frequently distract her from the voice of the Force," wisecracked Petro cheerfully.

"Now _you_ relax, Petro!" Ganodi said loudly, turning a few heads. Embarrassed, she said in a quieter tone, "My connection with the Force isn't weak; I just… need to learn not to let powerful scenarios overwhelm my capacity for hope."

"Take it easy, guys, take it easy!" Katooni said, demanding their attention, "We're here to eat, and to play, and to judge the worth of Chuck E. Cheeses, not to make a meal of the issues of our Jedi training. Let's just stick to our choices: one small vegetarian pizza for Byph, one medium Super Combo for Petro and I, and one large All-Meat Combo for Ganodi, Gungi, and Zatt. Now, what about our drinks? I'm going to drink an apple juice."

"I'll have a Pepsi," said Petro.

"I'd like a root beer," said Byph.

"And I want a Mountain Dew," said Ganodi.

"I'll take Gatorade," said Zatt.

Gungi said the same as Zatt.

"Good, let's order it," said Katooni, and they did so.

* * *

Needless to say, they all loved their pizzas that day. Byph appreciated his vegetable pizza, though he hoped that the vegetables that were uprooted to make this food were replaced with more of them, like his people always did on Ithor. And his root beer reminded him a little of the roots of Ithor, too. Katooni and Petro also enjoyed their many-topping pizza, with Petro enjoying beef, black olives, and pepperoni best, while Katooni preferred the sausage, mushrooms, and green peppers. Neither of them cared much for the red onions. The others had the time of their life eating their all-meat pizza. Gungi was chowing down on nearly half the pizza and saying in Shyriiwook, the language of the Wookiees, that the pepperoni really hit the spot. Zatt liked it too, though he had hoped that it would have more meat from undersea animals, because Nautolans lived part of their lives underwater. Though Ganodi ate the smallest number of slices, three, as a member of the hunting species of Rodians, she thought all the meat was great. All except perhaps the pepperoni. To her, it had a strange taste, like it came from a source she couldn't imagine.

"I could eat this stuff all the time if I were allowed," she said, "if it weren't for my waistline. I wish some of the other younglings could come here, too, like O-Mer and Jinx."

"Yeah, they can use some lightening up after their ordeal on Island Four on Wasskah," Petro concurred.

"Oh, they have recovered," said Zatt. "It's just that O-Mer isn't interested in eating food prepared largely through technology, him being a Cerean who's always fussy about the environment of his home world and the lives of wildlife. And Jinx was always something of a sourpuss, even before the Trandoshans took him and the others."

"I just paid for our food with the money Master Sinube lent to us," said Katooni a little while later, "and though kids our age don't normally do this, I left a few credits as a tip. Why don't we wash our hands and start enjoying what else this place has to offer?"

"Well, there's three gaming sections here," said Petro, "Toddler Zone, Kiddie Area, and Skill Games & Arcades. Who's going to go where?"

"I don't think any of us are going to Toddler Zone," said Katooni dryly.

"I'm going to play in the Kiddie Area," said Ganodi, "That equipment and those tubes and slides look like loads of fun!" Gungi roared that he would join her.

"I'd prefer the Skill Games & Arcades myself," said Zatt, "I heard that some of these games are old classics where they come from, and that they can be great for exercising my reflexes. I'm going to try arcade games like Galaga and Pac-Man, and then maybe Defender."

"I'll do the redemption games," said Petro. "Skee ball, Whac-A-Mole, and Pachinko will keep me busy. Byph says he wants to play them, too. How about you, Katooni? What are you going to play?"

"Actually," said Katooni, "there's going to be a live stage show starring Chuck E., the mascot of Chuck E. Cheese. I'd like to relax and see how it plays out instead of playing games."

"Okay, suit yourself," said Petro, "Have fun."

"You too," she responded.

* * *

Over the next hour or so, Katooni watched a few showings of the Chuck E. entertainment show, and she could see how kids could love this. On this particular day, Chuck E. was playing an electric musical instrument called a guitar, and playing music called rock n' roll. It sounded a little loud and upbeat, but eventually, she realized that she was "dancing" with her hands and tapping her feet to the beat. And after the show, Chuck E. showed the kids a move or two in what was called the "kids in-store." Katooni enjoyed every moment of it, and remained interested till the end of everything.

Meanwhile, the other Jedi children had even more fun. Ganodi and Gungi once again were having the time of their life in the Kiddie Area, climbing on the equipment with the little kids and going through the tubes and down the slides. Ganodi was laughing like the child she was, and even paid a quick visit to the Toddler Zone and played in the rubber balls chamber with some tots. Gungi didn't go there himself, but he endlessly enjoyed climbing, crawling, and sliding. Sometimes, he let out a joyful roar, which startled some of the other more human and humanoid kids, but when he saw this, he learned to quiet down and roar in a more hushed voice.

Zatt found enjoyment playing the arcade games, like he said he would. Pac-Man and Galaga kept him occupied for a little while, but he soon discovered that those games were too simple for him, especially Galaga. He moved on to Defender, and managed to get through countless levels before a mutant showdown wiped him out. Then he tried a racing game called Pole Position II, where he managed to win about fifteen races before he lost the game.

Petro and Byph, meanwhile, found their fun in the redemption games. Pachinko was a little tame for their tastes, but Whac-A-Mole and Skee ball were better. Byph played Whac-A-Mole until his arms got tired, and Petro scored over four thousand points at Skee ball. Then they played a few games together, like basketball and air hockey. Byph was better at basketball, but Petro was better at air hockey.

At last, they were all gathered together again, and ready to give their praise to Chuck E. Cheese.

"You should've seen the show," said Katooni. "That was some interesting music the mascot played."

"I can't ever remember feeling so alive, so wonderful, so… child-like!" said Ganodi excitedly.

Gungi grinned and raised his hand in triumph and roared.

"Those video games were a blast!" said Zatt.

"Look at how many tickets we won!" said Petro. "I'm gonna get something at the redemption center before we go!"

Byph nodded, meaning that he was, too.

"Yeah, I'd like that, too," Zatt agreed.

"Well, why don't you three do that?" said Katooni.

"Yeah, and get something for us, too," said Ganodi. "I'd love to have one of those bracelets for a few days."

"We'll see what we can do," said Petro, and he, Byph, and Zatt hurried to turn in their tickets.

* * *

A few minutes later, they returned with a few handfuls of items. Petro got a temporary bracelet and a mug saying "I HEART pizza" for Ganodi, and four Tootsie Pops and a Chuck E. Cheese tote bag for Katooni, and for himself, a kids' entertainment shirt. Byph got a greeting card which he planned to give to Master Yoda, and Zatt got a stuffed monkey for Gungi, and some kind of whistle for himself, which he hoped could do some good underwater.

"Thanks a lot," said Ganodi. "Should we go now?"

"We might as well," said Zatt, "I think we're all tired, and even Master Sinube must be getting weary of waiting for us."

"I'm going to miss it here," said Katooni, looking around wistfully.

"Oh, we'll be back, Katooni," Petro reassured her, "Trust in the Force. I'm sure it'll let us return sometime."

"Thanks, Petro," said Katooni.

They walked outside, where Tera Sinube was still in the same position as before, deep in meditation. They all wondered if it would be appropriate to wake him up like this, but before they could decide, he came out of his trance and looked up at them.

"Finished so soon, children?" he asked. "That took almost no time at all. Well, if you are finished, and there is no trouble, let us return to the Jedi Temple. And do not be so hasty as you were in Chuck E. Cheese. You all must learn to accept patience."

The younglings gaped. "But… we were in there for nearly two full hours!" said Petro. "You call that 'too short?'"

"Patience is a virtue," Sinube said calmly, "Haste is not."

"But we're tired," complained Ganodi, "and if we walk to the temple too slowly, we'll never make it! You hear me? I'm never going to make it home. Never!"

"Peace, young Ganodi!" Sinube admonished her, "Trust in the Force, like your masters always tell you to, and you will find the strength to make it home, in time."

Ganodi moaned. "That's Master Sinube for you! Always slow and snail-like!" she muttered. Sinube ignored her.

"Cheer up, Ganodi," said Katooni, "We had a great day today, and we _will_ get some rest time back at the temple. Think about the good things, not the bad ones, and we'll make it back all right."

"If you say so, Katooni." Ganodi sighed.

It took almost a full hour for them to get back…

* * *

**A/N:** It's been a _very_ long time since I was last inside a Chuck E. Cheese's joint, so my memory of the games and prizes and number of tickets required for each prize is less than perfect. I'm also more familiar with old, classic arcade games than I am with contemporary ones, so that's why I used them. The only reason I did know the menu is because there's an online menu for Chuck E. Cheese. If I made any glaring mistakes here, please forgive me for them; I did the best I could.


	13. Sith and Separatists at Starbucks

**Dooku, Grievous, Nute Gunray, Shu Mai, Passel Argente, and Ventress**

"How is your tea, Magistrate Argente?" Viceroy Nute Gunray of the Trade Federation asked the leader of the Corporate Alliance.

"Just fine, thank you Viceroy," Passel Argente said. "Calm Brewed Tea is very effective. Denaria Kee here has always been after me to drink more tea to calm myself down."

"Indeed, I have," remarked Kee, "Passel has got to learn not to freak out so often in his paranoia about the Republic always wanting to capture him."

"Why does that not surprise me?" asked Shu Mai sarcastically. She was the president and CEO of the Commerce Guild, and her aide, Cat Miin, was standing nearby. She sipped on a coffee called the Bold Pick of the Day, in this case, the clean, nutty taste of a good Columbia, wherever that was, and nibbled on a cheesecake brownie.

"Count Dooku," asked Gunray, "why did you choose to come to this coffee joint called Starbucks today, and insist on bringing us along? I could get a hot breakfast like this Ham & Cheddar Artisan Breakfast Sandwich many other places, and the same goes for this Black Shaken Iced Tea."

Dooku, Chief-of-State of the Confederacy of Independent Systems, was drinking an Espresso and slowly eating a few Blueberry Scones. "Because, Viceroy, all these other so-called 'fast food joints' have rotten food that could make us terribly out of shape, and I, in particular, need to keep a firm figure if I am to duel my Jedi opponents effectively. As for you, I thought it would give Lord Sidious and I a good laugh to bring you here."

"Any particular reason why you had to drag me along too, Count?" asked General Grievous, who stood hovering over their table. "You know that as a cyborg who perpetually wears a metal mask, I can't eat or drink anything at all!"

"It's very simple, General," said Dooku, "We need protection from any possible Republic troops or spies that may be in the area, even though we are in Separatist space, and you are my number one military officer."

Grievous still wasn't convinced. "But you could have just used some men from the Neimoidian Gunnery Battalion, or some Gossam Commandos or Koorivar Fusiliers. They would be more fitting for vile scum like these toadies of yours in the Separatist leadership!" He sneered at Gunray, Mai and Argente, who visibly cringed.

"Grievous!" Dooku chastised him quietly, "This is not the time or the place to be threatening the other leaders of the Separatist Alliance! Look around you. There are other customers here, ordinary people of the Confederacy, and we do not need to get them involved in our business, now, do we?"

Grievous clenched a fist, but maintained his control, barely. "If you say so, Dooku."

"You know," Dooku said after a moment of silence, "I recall when the unfortunate late Senator Mina Bonteri used to come into a place like this, a few weeks before she died. She always enjoyed eating all the different kinds of muffins and drinking Hot Chocolate, and her treacherous son, Lux Bonteri, always liked the White Hot Chocolate and the Chocolate Chunk Cookies. They always were a quaint young family. 'Tis a shame that my master had to order Mina's execution, and that Lux desired unjust revenge on me for what my _former_ agent was ordered to do for me."

"Uh, speaking of your former agent, Count," Gunray said in a stammer, "isn't that her sitting at that table over in the corner huddled in the shadows? Or is that Lord Sidious, who always likes to skulk where we can't see him?"

"I hope not," said Rune Haako, Gunray's aide, as he drank his own coffee with quivering hands.

"Don't get all worked up, gentlemen," admonished Dooku. "It _is_ her, but keep your mouths shut and your eyes and ears open. It's me she wants revenge on, and if any of you get involved, she will easily cut off your sorry heads with her twin blades."

He was right, for in that corner of that Starbucks restaurant was Asajj Ventress, former Separatist commander and apprentice of Dooku, until Darth Sidious had ordered Dooku to get rid of her in a test of his loyalty. Dooku had done as Sidious told him, but Ventress, unaware of Sidious' involvement in the betrayal, put all the blame on him. The Count could sense her presence in the Force long before the Separatist Councilors had spotted her, and had hoped to leave them out of any possible confrontation, seeing as he still needed their help in the war effort despite the fact that he loved none of them. Now, though, he had to guard Gunray, Mai, and Argente, and their aides, to protect them from the wiles of Ventress.

Grievous felt similarly to Dooku. He couldn't stand the greedy, grasping, slimy nature of Gunray and the rest of the Separatist leadership, and it galled him to be forced to be their protector, and now, with Dooku's former assassin in the joint with them, he might have to do just that. It was then that it hit Grievous. Dooku brought him along to Starbucks because he needed a babysitter for the cowardly merchants who ran the Separatist Droid Army!

Oh, that made the good general furious to his rotten core!

As for Ventress herself, she had become annoyed in her own turn. Why, oh why, did fools like Gunray and company have to be here? And that General Grievous hovering over them and Dooku, too. He's the worst possible impediment to her plan possible. As she nursed a glass of Shaken Iced Passion Lemonade, she was looking forward to a good opportunity to get vengeance on Dooku. She didn't care that there were other customers there, trying to have a nice, relaxing morning. As long as they didn't get in her way, they could do whatever they felt like doing. Still, even with the Separatist Council there and Grievous ready to defend them, she decided that with her cover blown, it was now or never.

After taking one more sip of her lemonade, she sprang over several tables with a Force-assisted jump and landed almost on top of Dooku with her lightsabers ignited. But the Count was ready for her. He ignited his own blade and parried her strike.

Customers screamed in alarm and jumped up from their tables. The Councilors all ducked behind whatever cover they could find. Grievous growled and ignited his own trophy lightsabers, swinging them mechanically.

"Nobody's going anywhere!" said Ventress, as she dueled the Separatist firebrand. "I know you people love your precious political leader. So if you want to stand any chance of seeing him live another day, you'll stay where you are and meet my demands!"

"What demands?" Gunray asked indignantly, "You can't demand anything of us!"

"Really?" Ventress sneered, lunging at him. Gunray shouted, "No, please don't!" Grievous cut off Ventress' strike with his own weapons.

"I'm not doing this for Gunray's sake, assassin, or that of his colleagues," he snarled, "I'm just doing as Dooku wants me to do!"

"So, you truly are his errand boy, then," said Ventress with an evil smile.

"I am not an errand boy!" roared the general as he tried to push her back. Customers and employees screamed again. Dooku snuck up behind Ventress and did a skilled Makashi maneuver, but Ventress half turned around and blocked it.

"Can't we all just get along?" yelled Senator Kerch Kushi from where he stood by a window. Ventress eyed him balefully.

"You will not compound your failure today by destroying me in a public place, Asajj," said Dooku.

"That's what you think, foolish, so-called S-"

Suddenly, bolts of lightning shot toward Ventress, but not from Dooku's hand. Dooku turned and saw a figure dressed in a black robe and cowl standing at the entrance, shooting Force Lightning at the female assassin. Ventress cried out and, writhing in pain, dropped her weapons on the floor. Everyone in the place stared in stunned disbelief. The mysterious man stopped firing his lightning and said, "There will be no demands from you today, traitor to the Confederacy. Now, if you do not mind, I would suggest that you take your weapons and high-tail it out of here, or I will call the local police to have you arrested, and I am certain you will receive a swift and arbitrary punishment."

Wincing in pain still, Ventress grabbed her hilts and glared at the man, saying, "I was only going to demand that this stupid 'Food Wars' phenomenon be brought to an end, starting with Starbucks! It's absurd! Who would want such disgusting food and drink, anyway?"

"The good people you frightened in here would, Asajj," said Dooku.

"And I do not mind a little tea myself, treacherous 'commander' of the Separatist Army," said the cowled figure.

Ventress growled. "Separatist scum!" She walked out, leaving a cold wake where she went.

The mystery man stepped forward. "It's all right, folks," he said soothingly, "You may go back to your food and your coffee. She will not come around here again."

"Who, who are you?" asked Senator Kushi as he sat back down.

"My name is not important, my friend," the mystery man replied. "Just take comfort in the fact that I am an ally of Count Dooku, and I intend for the Confederacy of Independent Systems to leave a mark on the galaxy as much as he does."

Some of the people still looked puzzled, but decided not to press the matter and returned to their tables quietly. The conversations soon started up again, but it wasn't quite the same as it was before Ventress interfered.

The cowled man walked over to Dooku's table. "May I take a seat at your table, Count?" he asked.

"Of course," said Dooku, and he motioned the man to an empty chair next to his, simultaneously gesturing for Grievous and the still shivering Councilors to return to the table, too.

"Well, uh, I never thought I would see you here, my Lord," Gunray said in a hushed voice.

"For your information, I come and go as I please, Viceroy," said Lord Darth Sidious quietly.

"That doesn't surprise me at all, my Lord," remarked Grievous.

"I don't think any of us are surprised, frankly," said Argente.

"Me neither," said Mai.

"Of course not gentlemen," said Dooku sternly. "Now, please tell me, if I may be so bold, my master. Why is it you are so determined to see these Food Wars go on that you would risk blowing your cover to stop Ventress from making an attempt on my life?"

Sidious eyed him coldly from under his cowl. "Why not, Lord Tyranus? I have always enjoyed a good cup of tea, coffee, or espresso, no matter whether I am here or… in that certain other place where I do the rest of my work."

Grievous and the Councilors looked confused, but Dooku knew he was talking about his role as Chancellor Palpatine of the Republic.

"Indeed, my master," he agreed with the master of deception.


	14. D-Squad at Dunkin' Donuts

**Commando Gregor, Colonel Gascon, R2-D2, QT-KT, U9-C4, M5-BZ, and WAC-47**

It was another nice day on the planet Coruscant, and a certain long-lost clone commando and his diminutive alien friend in the Grand Army had been reunited. And now, on this particular day, they were sitting down to a nice, small meal (well, small for Gascon, anyway) in a fast food joint, which was famous for its pastries as well as its sandwiches.

Curiously enough, the droids of D-Squad had also come along for the ride, and it was a wonder that they were allowed to enter the restaurant.

"How did you convince the people who run this place to let your droid squad come in here, again, Colonel?" Captain Gregor asked his colleague, "I was a little busy while you did that."

"Very simple, really," said little Gascon, "I informed them that these droids are the best in the business at achieving missions based on automatons and that it wouldn't be the same for us if they were left out, and they couldn't resist."

"Really?" Gregor asked him.

"Well, I didn't tell them that WAC-47 was among the best, you know," Gascon whispered with a chuckle. They both laughed.

"Uh, Colonel," asked WAC-47, a pilot pit droid, as he trotted over to their table, "What is so funny?"

"Nothing for you to worry about, Forty-seven," Gascon assured him.

"Oh, okay," Forty-seven said cheerfully.

"So, Gregor," asked Gascon, "how do you like Dunkin' Donuts? Wouldn't you say that it's a really clean and tasty joint for the Food Wars?"

"Oh, yeah," Gregor agreed. "I've never had food this good before, even before I got amnesia and was taken in by that louse Borkus on Abafar."

"Good," said Gascon. "And how is that chicken sandwich you're eating, and that iced tea you've got to drink with it? You certainly seem to be enjoying them."

"You bet I am," said Gregor, "Borkus never served food like this, although some of it wasn't half bad, at least. And the décor here is certainly better than at that dirty old diner of his. How about you, Colonel? I know you couldn't order anything normal-sized because of your small body, but how are those things you are able to eat? Those little 'munchkins,' as I think they're called."

"Oh, they really hit the spot, my friend," Gascon said happily, "Glazed chocolate, cinnamon, and powdered sugar alike are excellent food for a soldier on the go. I first learned that when I heard that many police officers like to relax in donut factories like this and chow down on something simple and tasty when they're off-duty."

"Yeah," Gregor said with a laugh, "That must be why many of them are overweight."

They both laughed together.

At that moment, the four astromechs of D-Squad finally joined them at their table. Some of the other customers gave the droids funny looks. Gascon tried to silence them with a frown, but his little size only made them snicker. Gregor gave them a calm don't-mess-with-my-friends look, and they went back to their own business.

R2-D2 beeped something that sounded a little curt.

"What did he say?" Gregor asked Gascon.

Forty-seven answered before Gascon could. "Artoo says why do we droids have to be in a diner with you guys? He says that it's nice to be with friends, but droids can't eat like organics can, and they're normally frowned upon by the owners of diners, anyway. And frankly, I feel the same way. Oh, how I wish I could eat something!"

Artoo, QT-KT, M5-BZ, and U9-C4 beeped harmoniously.

"Apparently, Colonel," said Forty-seven, "the astromechs all wish they could eat food, too. Artoo and Cutie, in particular, occasionally wonder what it would be like to eat something solid and drink some liquid besides lubricating oil."

"What? Droids wanting to eat and drink like organics?" exclaimed Gascon, "Now I've heard everything! Why would you boys and girls want to eat and drink? Droids don't need food, just working batteries."

Cutie beeped and whistled something. Artoo and Seefour made noise like they concurred with Cutie. Beezee shifted his weight from leg to leg.

"They are saying that they have always wanted to know what it feels like to feel a distinct flavor inside a sentient mouth," said Forty-seven, "because, well, they think that since the taste of food always excites or perturbs people that eat it, it must be a joyous experience to consume something that tastes good. And, well, as I said before, I have been wondering the same thing for some time."

All the astromechs got into their nagging modes, appearing to press Gascon and Gregor for a chance at tasting pastries. Some of the customers glanced their way again, this time with annoyance at the droids' noisy antics.

"You know, sir," said Gregor, "I kind of wonder what that would be like myself. What if a droid could eat and drink like a man or a woman can?"

Gascon thought about it for a moment. "You know, boys and girls," he said, "that might not be impossible to do. I heard a strong rumor once that a protocol droid working for the Republic had somehow gotten himself electronically drunk at the suggestion of a spirited friend. If that could happen to that droid, then surely D-Squad could experience the miracle of food and flavor."

Artoo beeped curiously.

"He wants to know if that droid was his golden counterpart, C-3PO, Colonel," said Forty-seven.

"No, that wasn't Threepio," said Gascon. "I don't think that droid would even _dream_ of getting drunk. No, this droid had pewter plating on his body, and he acted like a perfect sentient. I think he was called I-5YQ, or I-Five, for short."

Artoo beeped again.

"Artoo says he's never heard of I-Five," said Forty-seven.

"Well, I'm not surprised," said Gascon, "He served with Republic doctors and nurses for a while, and I think he's hooked up with a funny Sullustan reporter named Den Dhur now."

"Is Dhur a better man than Borkus?" Gregor asked.

"As far as I know, yes," Gascon confirmed.

"That's good," said Gregor, "I'm glad that not all of those fish-faces are bad."

"Anyway," resumed Gascon, "I don't know exactly how Dhur got I-Five drunk, but maybe our droid friends here have a theory or two about how we can have them taste a few of the pastries here at Dunkin' Donuts. What sort of food would you like, guys?"

The astromechs beeped and whirred in their excitement.

"The astromechs are all interested in donuts, sir," said Forty-seven, "and iced sweet tea. Artoo wants a glazed chocolate cake donut, Cutie would like a powdered sugar donut, Seefour would like a Boston Kreme donut, and Beezee wants a jelly donut. I would like another iced sweet tea, and a strawberry and cheese Danish."

"I'll go get your orders right away, little buddies," Gregor offered, and got up to order the droids' desired food. When he came back, he put the tray down on the table and laid out all the donuts, Danish and iced teas.

"Okay, so, how do we go about the astromechs and the pit droid consuming them?" asked Gregor as customers looked at them like they were out of their minds.

"Well, like I said," replied Gascon, "I don't know how Dhur did it to I-Five, but surely these droids must have something installed in their systems that can read the contents of a consumable. Maybe they can scan every molecule of the donuts and Danish and process flavor into their memory banks somehow."

Artoo said that his mechanical body could scan just about anything, and that it was possible to process the components of things, probably even food, into his memory as flavor. At least, he was pretty sure of it. The other astromech droids agreed.

"How about you, Forty-seven?" Gregor asked the pit droid. "Do you know of a way a pit droid can scan and process a consumable?"

"Not the same way as the astromechs, sir," said Forty-seven, "But pit droids, as well as pilot droids, have to be able to clearly see, read and remember what they are manually working on, and maybe I can read the flavor of the Danish that way."

"It's worth a shot, then," said Gascon, handing each droid his or her appropriate donut, and giving the Danish to WAC-47.

Each astromech took their donut and held it out in front of them with their mechanical arms. Then they each used the scanners on their domes to read the contents and the flavoring of their food. Forty-seven did similarly with the "face" of his pit droid head.

Suddenly, the droids went into ecstasy like no droid ever had before. Seefour rattled on in astromech language about how yummy the cream on his Boston Kreme donut felt in his servomotors. Cutie scattered some of the powdered sugar on her donut as she span around in joy. Beezee swayed forward and backward on his astromech legs as he said there was nothing better than a pastry with jelly in it. Forty-seven was jumping up and down noisily and shouting, "Yeah! Yeah! Now that's _Danish!_" And Artoo was hopping from leg to leg as he coyly announced his newfound love for chocolate cake.

Gascon and Gregor were amazed, to say the least. "Well, what do you know, it worked!" said Gregor.

"I told you it would work!" said Gascon. "Am I smart or what?"

"Not always, Colonel," said Forty-seven as he continued to jump up and down, "but this time you sure were."

"Hey!" Gascon protested, "I _am_ smart, WAC-47!" Forty-seven ignored him. "Oh, well, what does it matter this time? We managed to help some droids, of all people, enjoy the benefits of good food, and that's enough for me for now."

"Let's let them try the drinks next, sir," suggested Gregor.

"Good idea, soldier," Gascon agreed. The droids all took their iced sweet tea and scanned it too, processing its flavor. Soon, they were jumping for joy again, as Gascon and Gregor looked on proudly. Then, the soldiers both noticed that they had the attention of the whole diner, now. Everyone, customers and employees alike, were staring pointedly at them and their table.

"Ahem," said Gascon, "It appears we've worn out our welcome, Commando Gregor," he said, "Perhaps we should finish our food and hightail it out of here before someone calls the cops about all this ruckus we unintentionally started."

"Hey, you!" the Twi'lek manager yelled at them from nearby, "I want this racket to stop now! There are a lot of hungry and thirsty customers who want to eat and drink in peace! And do something about that dumb pit droid! He's spilling tea all over the floor as he's pretending to drink it!"

"Dumb? I am not dumb, just happy, good sir!" Forty-seven intoned as he continued to slosh his iced tea.

"I _knew_ it wasn't a good idea to let droids in here!" the manager grumbled. "You, clone, and you, little shrimp, hurry up and finish your food and get out of here, and take your karking droids with you! And if you ever come back, don't bring any droids again!"

"Oh, well," said Gregor, "you were right, Colonel, sir. We _have_ worn out our welcome. We'd better leave."

"Even I agree with that," said Gascon, "The crowd here is getting ugly. Oh well, we did what we set out to do and made some good droids very happy today. Let's go."

They finished their food in a hurry and left the restaurant quietly and quickly.

As they left, the astromechs were all beeping excitedly amongst themselves. "What are you guys talking about, now?" inquired Gregor.

Forty-seven interpreted, "They are saying that their vote in the Food Wars goes with Dunkin' Donuts. And I, for one, vote the same."

"Wow, we really did achieve something today," Gregor said.

"You said it, brave soldier," said Gascon, "Maybe one for the record books, if Dunkin' Donuts wins the war, or at least wins among the top five, or ten."

And with that, the four astromechs of D-Squad went beep-beep-beep all the way home.


	15. Two Jedi and their Lovers at Denny's

**Obi-Wan & Satine, Anakin & Padmé**

"It's about time we found a place that serves food more decent than those greasier fast food restaurants," commented Duchess Satine. "I was beginning to think I would die of heart failure instead of in service to my people."

"That would surely be worse than dying in greatness," remarked Obi-Wan, who sat across from her at their table, "At least dying in greatness leaves you with a good legacy. And clean hands, too."

"Indeed," chuckled Satine, "I wouldn't have clean hands if I kept eating that oily stuff from McDonald's."

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Duchess Satine Kryze had some time to themselves one early afternoon, and were trying out the local Denny's diner that had sprung up on Mandalore. Satine had been relieved that it had become more popular on her planet than most of the other eating establishments involved in the Food Wars.

"Are you enjoying your food, Satine?" Obi-Wan asked her, "After all, this place is certainly head and shoulders above so many others in my opinion, including that 'plastic' joint called Monolith Burger that one of Barriss Offee's friends thinks is so great."

"You mean, Ahsoka Tano likes that synthetic garbage dump, Obi?" Satine asked in surprise.

Obi-Wan chortled for a second. "No, that wasn't Ahsoka. She prefers McDonald's, and Barriss prefers Burger King. Barriss' _other_ best friend, a doctor prodigy named Uli Divini, thinks Monolith is the greatest of them all."

"Oh," Satine said, "That's good, though I don't know why a doctor would like Monolith Burger. That place doesn't even serve real food, and yet many people, human and alien alike, have been flocking to it to eat its revolting food. But to answer your question before, yes, this food is very decent. I didn't know I would like clam chowder so much, and goodness knows their lemonade is unlike anything I've ever drank before."

"I'm not surprised," replied Obi-Wan, "My little club sandwiches certainly hit the spot, and they serve quite excellent herbal tea. My vote goes with Denny's in this 'war' of food."

"I second that," agreed Satine.

"So then," said Obi-Wan as they continued eating, "Are things getting any better on Mandalore recently? I heard about the corruption among your people when poisoned tea was smuggled into the schools. I also heard about the corruption of Prime Minister Almec and his attempt to frame you for the corruption and the poison. It appears your list of trusted allies is growing thin."

"Yes, it surely is, Obi," said Satine, "First Pre Vizsla, then Tal Merrik, and now Almec. Who could possibly be next? Mandalore _is_ recovering gradually from the tainted tea, and the corruption has been almost entirely weeded out and rounded up. Almec is in prison now under high security, security I _know_ I can trust. Still, with so many of my allies either betraying me or dying, I don't know where to turn next when it comes to having someone to help me out of the next scrape Mandalore is likely to encounter. I have so few strong allies left that at this point, if I get killed, the New Mandalorians will die with me, and Mandalore will become a warmongering world once again, possibly for all time."

"Yes, it is hard for all of us," Obi-Wan assured her. "I'm losing more trusted allies and friends, too, you know. Some Jedi have turned to darkness and/or evil ways because of the effects of this war, and have been lost to the light of the Force, possibly forever. And so many others are dying like flies in the Clone War. Sometimes it seems that almost as many Jedi are dying as squads and battalions of clone troopers are. Even the troops are starting to get a little cynical, although they continue to remain brave and proud fighters."

"Ah, but at least the clones are able to remain pure in their convictions, aren't they, Obi-Wan?" Satine said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes," replied Obi-Wan. "Thank the Force _somebody_ is remaining pure in this war. But Satine," he paused in his eating and extended a hand toward one of Satine's hands, "we can't allow ourselves to get so discouraged in these dark times that we fall prey to despair and despondence. Even if both of us lose virtually everything and everyone else dear to us, either to corruption or to death, we'll still have each other to lean on, and to give each other the strength to go on. After all, evil can't win forever, especially not when my former Padawan, Anakin Skywalker, is destined to bring balance back to the Force one day."

Satine smiled warmly. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear, Obi." She clasped his hand with hers, and then leaned forward and kissed it on the back. Obi-Wan looked awkward, and glanced around, as if making sure that no one who knew them well was in the restaurant with them.

Satine laughed. "Oh, don't worry, Obi-Wan," she said. "None of your attachment-forbidding Jedi Masters are around here right now. It's all right to feel close to me here."

Obi-Wan looked into her eyes and saw the truth in this. He leaned forward and gave her hand a little peck, too. Satine looked happy. For a little while, Obi-Wan allowed himself to feel the same way, despite the ever-continuing Clone Wars.

"Now, let's just sit back and enjoy each other's company while we can," said Satine, "And let's stop talking about heavy subjects. I want to feel good right now. Drink your tea, Obi."

Obi-Wan raised his hot cup and clinked it against Satine's ice-cold lemonade glass in a toast. "As you wish, your Highness."

* * *

That evening, on Coruscant, a similar event was taking place in a Denny's restaurant that had been set up in Coco Town District not far from Dex's Diner, probably as competition for the attention of the good working men and women of Coco Town. Another familiar Jedi, none other than the aforementioned Anakin Skywalker, was sitting inside Denny's with his secret wife, Padmé Amidala, and goodness knew how long they had waited to go out together in public to a place where people didn't ask inquisitive questions about the affairs of a Jedi Knight and a popular senator.

"Anakin," Padmé asked her Jedi lover, "which place do you think is better? Denny's or Dex's Diner?"

"Well, I mean no offense to good old Dexter," said Anakin, "because he's a really good guy and all, but I think this 'Denny's' joint is just a little bit better. And do you want to know why?" he asked with a slightly mischievous smile on his face.

Padmé looked at him sidelong. "Of course I'm interested, Anakin," she said, "but I hope you don't have something ridiculous in mind from the looks of that smirk on your face."

"Relax, Padmé," Anakin assured her, "It's nothing like that. Besides the food being pretty good, the people in this place pretty much leave each other alone to eat and drink and talk in peace. They very rarely intrude on each other's privacy. I thought this was too good an opportunity to pass up, especially considering how I have no assignments on the front or at the temple tonight."

"Well, of course, Ani," Padmé agreed. "I chose it for the same reasons, remember? I knew from what I heard one of my handmaidens who visited here say that everyone who comes here minds their own business. It's a good way to relax and get away from people and our troubles for a few hours."

"That's right," said Anakin, "And anyway, like I said, the food's pretty good. This Country-Fried Steak is just delicious, and this Diet Coke compliments it perfectly. How about your Fish n' Chips? Do you like them?"

"Yes, Anakin, I do," she responded. "I recall the food at Kentucky Fried Chicken was pretty tasty and crisp, but I think this diner works harder to make the food look, feel, and taste more authentic. I'd gladly come back here again."

"Good, because I would, too," Anakin said.

Suddenly, there was a beeping on Anakin's wrist comlink. "Blast!" he said, "And right in the middle of dinner itself!"

"You'd better answer it, Anakin," said Padmé, "I'm disappointed, too, but it might still be important."

"Yeah, I guess," Anakin moaned and said, "Yes?" into the comlink.

"Oh, Master Anakin, thank goodness I got ahold of you. You wouldn't believe what Artoo has been up to," he heard Threepio's funny voice say.

"Threepio, what _is it_?" Anakin quietly shouted at his comlink, "Padmé and I are trying to enjoy a quiet evening on our own." Padmé looked both amused and half-relieved to see that it was just C-3PO calling.

"Master Anakin," Threepio said hurriedly, "Artoo says he's been high on the flavor of a chocolate donut since this morning, and he can't seem to regain control of himself. He keeps saying, 'Dunkin' Donuts is the best!' and other odd vibes over and over. I'm afraid he'll wreck the whole apartment. Oh, Master Anakin, what am I to do? I've never seen poor Artoo like this before!"

Anakin and Padmé were confused by that talk about being high on the flavor of a donut, but even Anakin couldn't help cracking a small smile in silent laughter, especially when he noticed R2-D2 roll into the comlink hologram and butt Threepio aside for a second while trilling musically and "dancing" like a mad tank driver.

"Let me talk to him, Ani," said Padmé. Anakin shrugged and offered Padmé the comlink. "Threepio, I don't what you're talking about when you say he's 'high on a chocolate donut,' but can't you just shut him off with the owner remote for a while? I'm sure Anakin can figure out a way to fix him in the morning."

"The owner remote?" asked Threepio, as if confused. "Oh, yes, the owner remote! That will shut him off in a hurry. Uh, where did you leave it?"

"Where else?" said Padmé, "On top of the kitchen counter, near the back, in the shadows, where I always leave it to hide it from intruders."

"Oh, thank the maker!" said Threepio, "I see it now! Thank you Mistress Padmé, and Master Anakin! I'll get little Artoo under control now."

"See you later, Threepio," said Padmé.

"Bye, Threepio," said Anakin quickly, and turned off the hologram. "Padmé, where were we?"

"Why don't we move on with the conversation, Ani?" said Padmé, "We've already paid our compliments to the diner and its food. Why don't we do something we've never done in public before?"

Anakin eyed her. "Like what, Padmé?"

Padmé half stood and leaned over the table. Anakin followed suit as soon as he knew what she had in mind.

They kissed.

And no one minded, objected, or cared. Their marriage was safe. For now.


End file.
